This was the first birthday that I didnt expect to be perfect. The first birthday that isn't just about me. It's about the people around me, not just how I want everything to be fairy tale pretty.
And sometimes, you get the best things when you dont expect them. YOU DO get the best things when you don't expect them.
Super thank you kay Kookie. Dear I love you. Salamat sobra sa gift kasi sobrang hindi ko ineexpect na bibigyan mo ko ng gift. Waaaah. Thank you super. Touched ako.
I didnt want to say to much lest sounding insincere, but since, you never read my blog anyway, there's no way I'm sucking up!
Nagulat din ako kay Camille and kay Chep. Kasi they got what I wanted. And si Camille even thought about it. Waaah. Ang cute nio. (PAKSHETTT!!) I could say more, but need I?
Alam ko din na bibigyan ako dapat ni Miguel ng Gin, pero di natuloy. Still, it's the thought that counts.
Mami and Alpreddd, wapak ung Magnum shirt. Mapapadalas kita mo sakin na suot un. Exactly what I needed.
And sa extra gift ni Ji, na 2 Yanyans. :)
And ofcourse, GIRLS, OO NA! BUMALIK AKO SA PAGKABATA DAHIL SA GIFT NIO. MAHAL NA MAHAL KO KAYO. AND SPECIAL KAYO FOREVER KASI COOL TAYO!
Kay Aiwa, for being there. Sa dad ko for doing the groceries. Kay ma for the spaghetti. Kay tita Louisa and Ate Neng for helping with the chores. Para kay Tin, Rog, and sa lahat ng maaga dumating. Kay Jin, kay Te, kay Con, Mel, Niko, BASTA. KAy Dad, kay jomps, kay khan... SA LAHAT. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME I LOVE YOUS.
Salamat sa lahat ng dumalo. I love yous. Sana nagenjoy kayo.
Waaaaah! I love yous. Sniff sniff. :( Love love.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
This was the first birthday that I didnt expect to be perfect. The first birthday that isn't just about me. It's about the people around me, not just how I want everything to be fairy tale pretty.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
1. PD Studies
4. Life Painting
5. Ad Des
6. OVER OVER OVER DUE HW for Ad Prod
Sober up, lovely.
I don't want to do anything crazy and feel this big big big elephant calld remorse hang about the next day. Ever.
I will not go out on friday nights from NOW ON. I swear.
You are living the life you've always wanted (again). Cheers, sweetheart. And get up. Do you plate. Go to school.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Thanks for understanding me forever.
For being 19 with me.
Sorry dahil kinukuha ko lahat ng pantali mo tapos di ko binabalik tapos nagpapagupit ako.
And sa pagsama sa mga trip ko na hindi pang bata.
Thanks girls sa lahat ng candy.
And H2Hs. And for all the love.
And sa pagtolerate sakin dahil im the ff:
d. and most of all, feeling!
I LOOVE YOU. WAAAH. CRY CRY.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Despite old beliefs, I'm starting to convince myself on the contrary (wow. Ang labo ng sentence.)
Writing is actually keeping me sane instead of turning me crazy. Although, creative writing may possibly do a better job of restoring my sanity. Whatever.
I want to blog more deary, but I have work to do. PD studies which I'm planning to rock.
Dear You, Thank you for everything. You've always been nice to me. Love love. :*
They didn't make it on friendster, they may atleast make it on my bloggie. :) In no particular order.
Products of my attempt to capture the browness of my hair. (Failed, but the pics look pretty. :D )
BTW. It's the perfectest hair EVER! I swear!
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Oh yeah, btw, I had a haircut. And very discrete hair color.
One day conclusions:
1. The haircut's too even. Which is weird because I clearly requsted my hairdresser for it to be uneven. Sucks.
2. Hair color's a little less discrete than last time. Gawd, I look so red.
I REALLY WANT SHOULDER-LENGTH HAIR.
I'm not cutting my hair until FEB! I mean, I'm not sure if I can do that, but now that I've told everyone, that's another innovation.
I clinically depressed.
There! I said it!
Yup. Mild depression. From too much thinking. I don't want a happy pill or anything of the sort, but maybe I need it.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck!
Aside from that, I spend too much. As in too much. My family's spending a little overboard recently. And I'll be spending more soon. My birthday's comig up and I haven't invited much people yet. I don't even want to think about it.
I've known this since... I don't know. And to think, I'm actually better these days.
Please make me stop spending. It's freaky.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
When will the day that i stop thinking about the twists of human nature come?
The day that I'll wakeup and smell the air and go on?
I can't help buth think of true love these days. Pessimistically speaking (haba nun), does it really exist? Let me rephrase that with a more fitting selection of words... Does true love really ffuucckkiinggg exist?
Human beings are not wired to be monogamous. We just really need changes. Naiinip tayo. Imagine facing the next 40, 50 or even 80 years of your life looking at the same person eveery single day. How do you keep the magic that way?
It's not impossible, of course, but that's pretty difficult. Magka magic palang with someone, it's already much of a challenge.
Okay, so maybe it does exist. The odds are still against it. In the fast moving world where you meet people of different natures every single day, the way we were meant to exist/act as humans, the pleasant and unpleasant surprises of life... will it ever be there?
It's the ultimate high, you know. Love. The thought of loving someone all your life. One person who deserves you and you truly deserve. The person who makes you smile, content, horny (sorry. But, hello, it's true!), precious and appreciated. The person who will make you a better and happier person until the end.
Sigh. Love. The vice of humanity.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
I love my sisters very much. I don't say it enough, because, well... hellooo, they're just around everyday. Psychologically speaking, you take for granted everything that has no value of scarcity. But well, I really do love them. And I'm happy we're sisters. I love you Jul and Jas. :*
Ang astig ni Heath Ledger.
Too bad he's dead.
This entry is so long overdue.
I loved Batman : The Dark Knight. Sobra. You have no idea.
I mean, you know how everyone's going through some weird psychopathy these days, right? Or well, maybe that's just me.
Wait. Deja vu?
Or baka naman nasulat ko na to before.
Funny, you guys dont know that I'm still blogging. I can't NOT blog, you know. I can't help it. My hands will always find a way to get itself on a keyboard and type away like there's no tomorrow. Despite the senselessness, I still write. I'm just waiting for one of us to giveup on me. It's either you dear readers whom I've been sneakily cheating on, or myself.
Ang epal ng world. Pag hindi ako nagsulitxt, may nagtetext sakin. Tas pag nagsulitxt ako, wala naman nagtetext. WHAT DA FUCK!
P.S. Macci. Please stop stalking your crushes. Para kang gago.
"Text me, you motherfuckingbitch! Fuck you!"
"Itext mo ko! Isa kang mothefuckingbitch! Pakyu!"
I like going home drunk. Semi.
Easier said than done. Pero pag andun ka na sa moment, nagisisisi ka, dahil... basta! Tapos you curse yourself the next day because hang overs are the worstest worstests! Ever.
Pleasures in life:
1. Going out really late.
4. Political conversations: Talking about religion, batman, the government, and hollywood.. etc etc.
5. Making out with someone you like.
6. Taking great pictures
7. Watching feel good movies
10. KNOWING HE LIKES YOU!WOOOHOOHOOHOOO!
11. When your toe nails are clean and painted with clear polish. Ang ganda e.
11. Cleaning your ears na sobrang sarap tumitirik mata mo
12. Mozarella pizza from Amici
13. Finishing a plate and loving it
14. Anything ethereal
15. Good mornings :)
16. Doing something nice for someone. (Nakanaks!)
17. Peace and quiet
19. New people
20. Old friends
21. Good company!!!
22. Salon moments
23. Going to new places
24. Answering an exam you actually studied for!
Yeaaahhh... I am a sucker for good company. Pakshet. Talo ka jan e.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
I'm such a loser because:
1. I love going out late. It doesnt matter if it's just a bit late (8-11PM), late (11PM-2AM), or reallt late (2AM-7PM). I just love going out late.
2. I love the smell cigarette smoke leaves on my shirt when I get home. Really really really love it.
3. Love being tipsy. But I can't stand beer. And I hate throwing up. You can't have the best of both worlds, I believe.
4. I dress up when not being dressed up is just fine. E.g. Uniform / Pambahay.
5. I am pacute. I am sneaky. I am sly snake.
6. And I am the loserest of all the losers BECAUSE NO MATTER HOW MUCH THEY SAY NA ANG DAMING NAGKAKACRUSH SAKIN (ayihee.. self centered bitch. conceited. feeling. burn in hell) NO ONE'S MAKING A MOVE. (no one likes you enough to mooove!)
look closer. that's me.
I just watched Sex and The City.
Then Bagong Buwan.
Gawd. Realities. Different fomr. Completely.
Don't I just live a charmed life. We do, don't we?
1. Girlsies, let's be friend's til we turn 50s.
2. Carlo Aquine is so cute/hot/cute/hot/cute. /hot.
3. Jericho is sexseh!
Bagong Buwan, though. VERY VERY VERY VERY GOOD ACTING. WALA AKONG MASABI. SMART AND HEARTBREAKING. Whoa.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
"Be careful of what you wish for. You just might get it."
Who would've thought I'd quote something from a cheeky skanky all girl's pop group. I don't mind them by the way. They're kinda great sometimes.
You're better of not wishing for anything and just loving status quo.
"You find the best ones when you're not looking for it."
Just smile and let them be.
1. Galleria with Pauline. Have my navel pierced! Woohoo.. Sep 5?
2. August 30. Inuman / overnight blockada at my house.
3. Hair color + Cyma family dinner on August31!
August 30 grocery list:
1 case of red horse
1 case of san mig light
3 Gin Blue
1 Mudshake (AKIN LANG YAN)
1 Mountain Dew
2 C2 Lemon
3 Pack ng Kool-aid strawberry
5 Pack ng Tang Orange
12 BAGS OF CHIPS
20 Pancit Canton
Lots of Barbecue
Budget 1.5 K
nica, louie, jihan, teta, gel, xian, bombs, jomps, june?, migz, khan, ken?, dorae, earl, alpredd?, chep, camille?, dino?, terrance?, jaypabs?, mark?, hannah?, jin?, te?, joyce?, birch?, pao?, je?, jebs?, kuya than?, aiwa?, chino and mike?, tin?
TANGINA. MASKI CNO NA.
YOU MAKE ME
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
I did a photoshoot with Jas today.
My sisters are very pretty creatures. Actually we all are. The three of us. I've always suspected that they are prettier than I am actually. But I grew up very gracefully (well, kinda), and I turned into a pretty girl too in the end.
And now that I am, I have the peace of mind. I no longer need to be prettier than anyone. I no longer mind being in the back ground and no longer in the lime light. I want to create beauty using my own hands.
Here's the deal, if the pictures I posted are from flicker, then they are formal photographs. If they are from photobucket, then I just like them.
The makeup is the best, don't we all agreee?
BTW, people miss my blog. The blog leave is indefinite.
Maybe I'll just shock people. I'll be back before december.
I'm thinking about doing a Phiary instead of your typical blog.
Phiary = Photo diary. I mean this would most likely elevate my look at photography. Make me focus more.
Why am I doing photog?
Want to know why?
A mother's love for her child is so very great because she feels needed. Feeling needed is the ultimate high. We all need happiness and purpose. Yadayada *insert more philosophical shit here*.
The reason I do photog is because I don't think I have any other greater purpose than to be good at my work. That's a workaholic for you.
I'm very greatful for having a functional family. Grabe. I'm deranged. I like it because I know some people will be begging for a great family and all that shit. Grabe. Human creatures are so irrational.
But the ultimate loss is of one finally losing hope. Whoa. Philosophical emo.
Puerto gallera at 3am and I don't know what's up.
I reread past blog entries. As in those from season one. Helloo... I wasn't much happy then either.
Where are you?
And why is this blog still a bit so emo?
Trvialities of life please...
The L-boys and their girlies are going to Club Manila East after the Puerto. Durd, Wifey, Lester, Loren, Jomps, Nica, Marbs, the Mika whatever girl I've never met, Jocas (promdate's cuz..yadayayadayada. *Insert distant and complicated relation here*), Victa (someone's exie... yadayada) ARE ALL GOING! I'm not going because:
1. I don't have the budget
2. I have tagaytay with fam.
3. FUCK IT! I'M NOT AN L-BOY GIRLY!!!
not that I want to be an L-boy girl... helloo!??! I just like being around people. New one. YOU CAN MAKE ME NOT WEAR A BIKINI, YOU KNOW. But doesn't it just seem so fun?? Beer, boys, new people and a fucking pool(in more than one ways)!?!?!!
But don't get this wrong and please please please don't take this hypocritically. I like being single. I really really really don't want a boyfriend. YES! FOR REAL! I mean, I want a guy... a boytoy perhaps, but not a real BF. I mean, I knnooow I'm living in a world of my own infatuation, but isn't love just some sucky game which I just prolly lost at.
It sucks being a girl. Pag hindi ka nagserioso, hindi ka seseryosihin. Duh. Modernity's just one sucky cycle that seems not to work. Emotions, attractions, and coincidences are just all pretty shitty.
Excuse me, I'll just go take pictures now.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
God is sooo cool.
happy. for real na yan! promise! haha.
I am now 88 pounds. Grabe. The heaviest I've been since the day I started losing weight. And as we all know, my happiness is relatively proportion to my weight. So just guess how so much better I'm doing.
Of course I keep on telling myself I'm so much better.
I'm a whole person.
I've decided to become a little bit selfish again. Take care of yourself. Guys can take care of themselves, and I need to help myself again. It's a combination of Macci 2005 and Macci 2008. What do you know, ayt?
Little stuff about my day?
I've been doing Photogs. Learning. Experimenting. All that shit. I mean, what else is there to do, right?
Don't sweat the small stuff. Life will start at 23. 22? I don't know. Just keep on living.
This, btw, is the healthiest I've been too. I mean if I stop smoking this would so very much be despite the drinking. Long sleeping hours. Lots of food.
Memorable moments of my life:
1. Boracay with my family
2. Lola Terry
3. Laguna with my girls
4. Hours before I lost my FAVORITE Kenneth Cole watch
5. One late evening...
6. After I hurled a ceramic bracelet on the floor of my room...
7. Apple, apple, apple kiss
8. When I introduced bry and rambi to my mom and dad
9. Sobs tree
10. Boracay bonding with my sisters while playing cards
11. When I woke up one day and realized my confidence
12. The Lally shit years
13. Writing "Teresita"
[I have migraine. To edit soon.]
Monday, August 18, 2008
1. Meanness is so Passe.
2. It's ok to drink as long as you don't get drunk.
3. Your passion and your ego are your best assets
4. If you want to kiss a guy, go for it. As long as you're pretty, it works.
5. We are all capable of human emotions, but guys are different from girls.
50% of the world population makes less than 100php in a day.
Everything in the world is overrated. Love, success, sex, alcohol... etc etc. This is the reason why people succumb and are disappointed by false hoped.
The only thing underrated is Philosophy. But it's better that way, because if you give it the attention it always deserved, humanity will be in such a depressing state.
The only properly rated matter is Psychology. If everyone is rational and would start thinkng of other people, better yet, the betterness of the great majority, the world will be a better place. However, we are set by nature to survive, even if that means in dispense of others.
Life is like a summer fling. It ends. You just have to savor every moment of it and keep yourself happy. And mahalaga ay ang ngayon. The past is past, the future will happen soon.. pero now is now. :)
Things not to be thankful for
1. I do not have a date
2. I stay home 1/3 of fridays and saturday nights
3. The world and life itself is weird.
1. I do not have a boyfriend / I just lost a boyfriend / Im nor over my exboyfriend
Thinsg to be thankful for:
1. I have a great family who loves me
2. I have great friends who loves me
3. I love myself
4. I have everything I need
5. I have a new camera bag
6. I have a bit of a lovelife
7. Lot's of guys have crushes on me which s a big deal because I was an ugly duckling. Huwahahahaha!
8. I drink and it's cool
9. Im a great person
10. I'm talented
11. I'm smart
12. I can make things work
13. I'm charming
14. I know how to love people unromantically
15. I'm young
16. I have a colorful life
17. I have a 400D
18. I have a great great wardrobe
19. I have a great makeup collection
20. I know how to fix myself up
21. I love my girls
22. I love my boys
23. I love my bestfriends
24. I love my sisters
25. I love my mom
26. I love my dad
27. The small world I live in finds me cool
28. I have clean toes right now
29. I have my dad's soul in me. Which rocks because he's my idol.
30. I don't have classes tomorrow.
31. I'm kinda broke, but I barely care
32. There's so much to be thankful for
I want other people to be happy too.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
I drink. I smoke. I spend too much.
I no longer slut around. (Hooray to me.)
I don't need help. I'm just like your average 18 year old turning 19 in a month or so.
I'm drifting away, intentionally. I am a mean bitch who deserves no one. I'm getting good at leaving people behind. Except for THAT ONE. That single one. I'm getting better though. Pero who are these people compared to you?
We had a year and eleven months and 2 days dear, and I'm still not completely over you. You went after me for a year and six days. I still have it going, I know. I'm on a roll.
I spent my best days with you, as sad as that seems. Because you were there, and because it was the right time to be happy. It just wasn't the right time for something so serious. I've got the rest of my life infront of me and someone will come along. Will there be a right time?
Will I ever be friends with you? I want to, for formality's sake. But it's not the right time right now. Maybe in the future. Or maybe there's no right time.
You were wonderful.
But it just shattered.
I still can't get over the fact that you replaced me in less than 60 days. And that you lied. And that you hurt me. That's what hurt the most you know. Not the losing you part. The fact that you replaced me in less than 60 days. You had the guts to lie to my face pa so many times.
It's been six months and I've never let the anger seep through. Well here goes.
Fuck you. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck you for hurting me.
Call me unfair, call me whatever you wish.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Modernity means letting media sway our judgement and standards.
There is no such thing as reality.
The more you think about your philosophy and purpose in life the more emotional you get.
They said Heath Ledger overdosed on drugs because he brought the character of Joker with him. Too much internalizing of the character.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
People are weird, seriously. Humanbeings are wired to act according to how they feel, not to how they think, which is very weird since we are gifted with that nasty curse called reason.
Emotions are the greatest fuckers of all time. They fuck everything in the way. They are the basis of everything. Happiness and agony. As Ma'am Mortel says, "Acceptance and rejection are the root of it all."
I will not publicize my blog until I've learned to write happily again. Check the season one blog, I was happy then.
Am I happy now?
Honestly, I don't know.
Maybe I've never been actually happy. Maybe I've spent all my life stressing myself out because I'm always thinking of the things I'm missing, not of what I have.
Oh my God, there we go.. the answer to everything I'm cussing about.
Fuck. Practice what you preach, sweetheart.
EPAL YOU BLOG!
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
I've been drinking for the past three nights, including this one. Not that anyone cares. Well, not anymore.
And besides, I can handle it.
I don't want to tell the world that I'm motherfucking drinking really, because it feels like I'm showing off. Woopeedoo... I'm drinking. So cool of me (Sarcastic). See, I'm still not used to it. Even if I spent my summer drinking and I have no problems with alcohol and shit, I'm still not used to it. I miss Nica. I never get to talk to her anymore. Not much to talk about. I love you. I really do. I just don't know what to do anymore. And if by a mere twist of fate you get to read this, then that just means we have to talk. If you don't then we just let it fade away. Realistically speaking, sometimes we just need time. Time does not heal EVERYTHING, but this my possibly just be one of those things that time heals, along with the others.
No, dearies, I'm not exclusively dating anyone right now. Err, correction, IM NOT FUCKING DATING ANYONE RIGHT NOW. Agh. I don't know. Maybe I don't know enough people. Maybe I super don't look approachable. The heck. I know I'm pretty. I'm not even supposed to say that out loud because pretty people don't do that.
Maybe, just like drinking, I'm not used to being pretty.
Blue means I want to know you better. Maybe I do need to know you more. :) Maybe. If I'm just an actual social creature instead of the pretentious exclusive bitch that I am, maybe we'll get to actually talk.
I'm not over my phobia. The future. How do you fix that? This is currently making me pessimistic, and I'm scared to death that this might suck.
The fuck. Fuck pessimism, fuck fear.
Go get a life, sweetheart. Do your plates again. Do something with your time. Relaxing isn't relaxing you as much as working does.
I have secrets. Juicy ones. Indulge?
Monday, August 11, 2008
Okay. First of all. The thing is, I still blog.
But I don't think the world will be able to read this now, because it's practically hidden. It's properly concealed under a statement of blog leave.
Things I found out recently:
1. The best jeans are at Kamiseta. They have XXS, which is perfect for me... and they're jeans are pretty. Plus, when they say lowrise, they mean low-rise. The zipper says it all. Snuggest pair I've ever owned.
2. I found the perfect blushes at Penshoppe for Php169. I mean, it can be bad for my skin, but whatevs, right?
3. I semi-vow not to wear nail polish anymore. I'm intimidating the way I am already. I need to top scaring people. I know it's so FC and trying hard, trying to know people well.. but it's just something you have to learn. I mean, I am a wallflower... REALLY!?!?!? I get all giddy when new people come around, but I'm so palpak at saying Hi!
4. I'm not much of a drinker. I mean, I am still a girl. But here's a secret: Berri Orange + Gin + Cubes of ice = A DISCRETE ROCKING ALCOHOL DRINK! Perfection.
5. I miss studying. Prelims tomorrow, I'm studying ad prac. Woohoo! Socios's free, though. Hooray for us.
6. I HAVE A HUGE GUCCI BAG WHOM I NOW VOW AS A FAVORITE! My lola sent it, and I doubted it's authencity for a while. But what the heck! It's amazingly pretty! Love love love it!
Dear readers who found this entries,
Please don't tell me that you read. Nacoconscious and naprepressure ako.
Please respect that.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Stuff to find:
silver princess headband
red body shop lipbalm/gloss
Stuff to buy:
camera bag and tripod
Stuff to do:
PD pizza box
Monday, August 4, 2008
When you don't say something the truer it is.
Hurt, happiness, yadayadayada...
Let how you react tell the world, really.
Dont stress yourself on EXPRESSING yourself.
I love Hey Jude.
Grabe. I'M SMILING. HAHAHAHA.
Sana may song pa sa world that makes me feel the same. :)
I love you, sweetheart.
(mejo naiyak ako watching that.)
Friday, August 1, 2008
FEEL GOOD MOVIES ROCK!
Especially when it's tagalog!
And especially if it's cheesy and unrealistic.
And especially when the official movie poster looks so photoshoped almost unprofessionally!