:)

For a happy heart. Always do what you believe is right.

Night.

I'm such a loser because:

1. I love going out late. It doesnt matter if it's just a bit late (8-11PM), late (11PM-2AM), or reallt late (2AM-7PM). I just love going out late.
2. I love the smell cigarette smoke leaves on my shirt when I get home. Really really really love it.
3. Love being tipsy. But I can't stand beer. And I hate throwing up. You can't have the best of both worlds, I believe.
4. I dress up when not being dressed up is just fine. E.g. Uniform / Pambahay.
5. I am pacute. I am sneaky. I am sly snake.
6. And I am the loserest of all the losers BECAUSE NO MATTER HOW MUCH THEY SAY NA ANG DAMING NAGKAKACRUSH SAKIN (ayihee.. self centered bitch. conceited. feeling. burn in hell) NO ONE'S MAKING A MOVE. (no one likes you enough to mooove!)

look closer. that's me.

Realities.

I just watched Sex and The City.


Then Bagong Buwan.

Gawd. Realities. Different fomr. Completely.

Don't I just live a charmed life. We do, don't we?


1. Girlsies, let's be friend's til we turn 50s.
2. Carlo Aquine is so cute/hot/cute/hot/cute. /hot.
3. Jericho is sexseh!


Bagong Buwan, though. VERY VERY VERY VERY GOOD ACTING. WALA AKONG MASABI. SMART AND HEARTBREAKING. Whoa.

NO MORE SMOKING PRAMIS!

NAGKAKAPIMPLE AKO SHET!

SDFHKHDHFKL.

Wishes.

"Be careful of what you wish for. You just might get it."
-Pussycat Dolls.

Who would've thought I'd quote something from a cheeky skanky all girl's pop group. I don't mind them by the way. They're kinda great sometimes.


You're better of not wishing for anything and just loving status quo.

"You find the best ones when you're not looking for it."


Just smile and let them be.

...

Birthday Plans

1. Galleria with Pauline. Have my navel pierced! Woohoo.. Sep 5?
2. August 30. Inuman / overnight blockada at my house.
3. Hair color + Cyma family dinner on August31!



August 30 grocery list:

1 case of red horse
1 case of san mig light
2 Matador
3 Gin Blue
1 ORGY
6 Infinite
1 Mudshake (AKIN LANG YAN)
2 Sprite
2 Coke
1 Mountain Dew
2 C2 Lemon

3 Pack ng Kool-aid strawberry
5 Pack ng Tang Orange


12 BAGS OF CHIPS
20 Pancit Canton

Lots of Barbecue


Budget 1.5 K


Invites:

nica, louie, jihan, teta, gel, xian, bombs, jomps, june?, migz, khan, ken?, dorae, earl, alpredd?, chep, camille?, dino?, terrance?, jaypabs?, mark?, hannah?, jin?, te?, joyce?, birch?, pao?, je?, jebs?, kuya than?, aiwa?, chino and mike?, tin?


TANGINA. MASKI CNO NA.

my true meaning of gwapo

SID VICIOUS
YOU MAKE ME

08.20

I did a photoshoot with Jas today.

My sisters are very pretty creatures. Actually we all are. The three of us. I've always suspected that they are prettier than I am actually. But I grew up very gracefully (well, kinda), and I turned into a pretty girl too in the end.

And now that I am, I have the peace of mind. I no longer need to be prettier than anyone. I no longer mind being in the back ground and no longer in the lime light. I want to create beauty using my own hands.

Here's the deal, if the pictures I posted are from flicker, then they are formal photographs. If they are from photobucket, then I just like them.

The makeup is the best, don't we all agreee?


...


BTW, people miss my blog. The blog leave is indefinite.

Maybe I'll just shock people. I'll be back before december.

I'm thinking about doing a Phiary instead of your typical blog.


Phiary = Photo diary. I mean this would most likely elevate my look at photography. Make me focus more.


...


Why am I doing photog?

Want to know why?

Ehem.

A mother's love for her child is so very great because she feels needed. Feeling needed is the ultimate high. We all need happiness and purpose. Yadayada *insert more philosophical shit here*.


The reason I do photog is because I don't think I have any other greater purpose than to be good at my work. That's a workaholic for you.


I'm very greatful for having a functional family. Grabe. I'm deranged. I like it because I know some people will be begging for a great family and all that shit. Grabe. Human creatures are so irrational.

But the ultimate loss is of one finally losing hope. Whoa. Philosophical emo.

Trvialities

Puerto gallera at 3am and I don't know what's up.

I reread past blog entries. As in those from season one. Helloo... I wasn't much happy then either.

Sigh happiness.

Where are you?

And why is this blog still a bit so emo?

...


Trvialities of life please...

The L-boys and their girlies are going to Club Manila East after the Puerto. Durd, Wifey, Lester, Loren, Jomps, Nica, Marbs, the Mika whatever girl I've never met, Jocas (promdate's cuz..yadayayadayada. *Insert distant and complicated relation here*), Victa (someone's exie... yadayada) ARE ALL GOING! I'm not going because:

1. I don't have the budget
2. I have tagaytay with fam.
3. FUCK IT! I'M NOT AN L-BOY GIRLY!!!


hsdjfasdhadsf

not that I want to be an L-boy girl... helloo!??! I just like being around people. New one. YOU CAN MAKE ME NOT WEAR A BIKINI, YOU KNOW. But doesn't it just seem so fun?? Beer, boys, new people and a fucking pool(in more than one ways)!?!?!!


But don't get this wrong and please please please don't take this hypocritically. I like being single. I really really really don't want a boyfriend. YES! FOR REAL! I mean, I want a guy... a boytoy perhaps, but not a real BF. I mean, I knnooow I'm living in a world of my own infatuation, but isn't love just some sucky game which I just prolly lost at.


It sucks being a girl. Pag hindi ka nagserioso, hindi ka seseryosihin. Duh. Modernity's just one sucky cycle that seems not to work. Emotions, attractions, and coincidences are just all pretty shitty.



Sigh. Life.

Excuse me, I'll just go take pictures now.

...

Miscellaneous Phiary

God is sooo cool.


heart.

Pictionary

happy. for real na yan! promise! haha.

...


I am now 88 pounds. Grabe. The heaviest I've been since the day I started losing weight. And as we all know, my happiness is relatively proportion to my weight. So just guess how so much better I'm doing.


Of course I keep on telling myself I'm so much better.


I'm a whole person.


I've decided to become a little bit selfish again. Take care of yourself. Guys can take care of themselves, and I need to help myself again. It's a combination of Macci 2005 and Macci 2008. What do you know, ayt?


Little stuff about my day?

I've been doing Photogs. Learning. Experimenting. All that shit. I mean, what else is there to do, right?


Don't sweat the small stuff. Life will start at 23. 22? I don't know. Just keep on living.


This, btw, is the healthiest I've been too. I mean if I stop smoking this would so very much be despite the drinking. Long sleeping hours. Lots of food.

Memorable moments of my life:

1. Boracay with my family
2. Lola Terry
3. Laguna with my girls
4. Hours before I lost my FAVORITE Kenneth Cole watch
5. One late evening...
6. After I hurled a ceramic bracelet on the floor of my room...
7. Apple, apple, apple kiss
8. When I introduced bry and rambi to my mom and dad
9. Sobs tree
10. Boracay bonding with my sisters while playing cards
11. When I woke up one day and realized my confidence
12. The Lally shit years
13. Writing "Teresita"
14. ........

[I have migraine. To edit soon.]

Thing's I've Learned in College

1. Meanness is so Passe.
2. It's ok to drink as long as you don't get drunk.
3. Your passion and your ego are your best assets
4. If you want to kiss a guy, go for it. As long as you're pretty, it works.
5. We are all capable of human emotions, but guys are different from girls.


...

50% of the world population makes less than 100php in a day.


...

Everything in the world is overrated. Love, success, sex, alcohol... etc etc. This is the reason why people succumb and are disappointed by false hoped.

The only thing underrated is Philosophy. But it's better that way, because if you give it the attention it always deserved, humanity will be in such a depressing state.

The only properly rated matter is Psychology. If everyone is rational and would start thinkng of other people, better yet, the betterness of the great majority, the world will be a better place. However, we are set by nature to survive, even if that means in dispense of others.

...

Life is like a summer fling. It ends. You just have to savor every moment of it and keep yourself happy. And mahalaga ay ang ngayon. The past is past, the future will happen soon.. pero now is now. :)

Things not to be thankful for


1. I do not have a date
2. I stay home 1/3 of fridays and saturday nights
3. The world and life itself is weird.
1. I do not have a boyfriend / I just lost a boyfriend / Im nor over my exboyfriend

Thinsg to be thankful for:
1. I have a great family who loves me
2. I have great friends who loves me
3. I love myself
4. I have everything I need
5. I have a new camera bag
6. I have a bit of a lovelife
7. Lot's of guys have crushes on me which s a big deal because I was an ugly duckling. Huwahahahaha!
8. I drink and it's cool
9. Im a great person
10. I'm talented
11. I'm smart
12. I can make things work
13. I'm charming
14. I know how to love people unromantically
15. I'm young
16. I have a colorful life
17. I have a 400D
18. I have a great great wardrobe
19. I have a great makeup collection
20. I know how to fix myself up
21. I love my girls
22. I love my boys
23. I love my bestfriends
24. I love my sisters
25. I love my mom
26. I love my dad
27. The small world I live in finds me cool
28. I have clean toes right now
29. I have my dad's soul in me. Which rocks because he's my idol.
30. I don't have classes tomorrow.
31. I'm kinda broke, but I barely care
32. There's so much to be thankful for



I want other people to be happy too.

Maybe all this negativity and ranting is a plead for someone to save me. But not just anyone.

Otherwise, I'll just save myself.

I hate yous.

All of yous.


I don't want to be in a situation like this anymore.

I hate this.

I AM FUCKING DISGUSTED OF YOU!
ALL OF YOU.


And you? Leave me alone. Do I have to be the first one to go? Do I have to tire you first? You got what you wanted, why do you have to do this?

Fuck you.

I drink. I smoke. I spend too much.

I no longer slut around. (Hooray to me.)

Im normal.

I don't need help. I'm just like your average 18 year old turning 19 in a month or so.



I'm drifting away, intentionally. I am a mean bitch who deserves no one. I'm getting good at leaving people behind. Except for THAT ONE. That single one. I'm getting better though. Pero who are these people compared to you?

We had a year and eleven months and 2 days dear, and I'm still not completely over you. You went after me for a year and six days. I still have it going, I know. I'm on a roll.



I spent my best days with you, as sad as that seems. Because you were there, and because it was the right time to be happy. It just wasn't the right time for something so serious. I've got the rest of my life infront of me and someone will come along. Will there be a right time?


Will I ever be friends with you? I want to, for formality's sake. But it's not the right time right now. Maybe in the future. Or maybe there's no right time.

You were wonderful.

But it just shattered.


I still can't get over the fact that you replaced me in less than 60 days. And that you lied. And that you hurt me. That's what hurt the most you know. Not the losing you part. The fact that you replaced me in less than 60 days. You had the guts to lie to my face pa so many times.

It's been six months and I've never let the anger seep through. Well here goes.


Fuck you. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck you for hurting me.

Call me unfair, call me whatever you wish.

Fuck you.

The Philosophy Called Modernity

Modernity means letting media sway our judgement and standards.

There is no such thing as reality.

The more you think about your philosophy and purpose in life the more emotional you get.

They said Heath Ledger overdosed on drugs because he brought the character of Joker with him. Too much internalizing of the character.

People.


People are weird, seriously. Humanbeings are wired to act according to how they feel, not to how they think, which is very weird since we are gifted with that nasty curse called reason.

Emotions are the greatest fuckers of all time. They fuck everything in the way. They are the basis of everything. Happiness and agony. As Ma'am Mortel says, "Acceptance and rejection are the root of it all."


Whatever right?

I will not publicize my blog until I've learned to write happily again. Check the season one blog, I was happy then.


Am I happy now?

Honestly, I don't know.

Maybe I've never been actually happy. Maybe I've spent all my life stressing myself out because I'm always thinking of the things I'm missing, not of what I have.

Oh my God, there we go.. the answer to everything I'm cussing about.

Fuck. Practice what you preach, sweetheart.


EPAL YOU BLOG!

Beauty is only half of how you look like.

It's in how you move, talk, stand and think.

Life = You find the best when you're not looking.

I hate this year. I'm looking forward 2010.

Secrets

I've been drinking for the past three nights, including this one. Not that anyone cares. Well, not anymore.

And besides, I can handle it.

I don't want to tell the world that I'm motherfucking drinking really, because it feels like I'm showing off. Woopeedoo... I'm drinking. So cool of me (Sarcastic). See, I'm still not used to it. Even if I spent my summer drinking and I have no problems with alcohol and shit, I'm still not used to it. I miss Nica. I never get to talk to her anymore. Not much to talk about. I love you. I really do. I just don't know what to do anymore. And if by a mere twist of fate you get to read this, then that just means we have to talk. If you don't then we just let it fade away. Realistically speaking, sometimes we just need time. Time does not heal EVERYTHING, but this my possibly just be one of those things that time heals, along with the others.
No, dearies, I'm not exclusively dating anyone right now. Err, correction, IM NOT FUCKING DATING ANYONE RIGHT NOW. Agh. I don't know. Maybe I don't know enough people. Maybe I super don't look approachable. The heck. I know I'm pretty. I'm not even supposed to say that out loud because pretty people don't do that.

Maybe, just like drinking, I'm not used to being pretty.



Blue means I want to know you better. Maybe I do need to know you more. :) Maybe. If I'm just an actual social creature instead of the pretentious exclusive bitch that I am, maybe we'll get to actually talk.



I'm not over my phobia. The future. How do you fix that? This is currently making me pessimistic, and I'm scared to death that this might suck.

The fuck. Fuck pessimism, fuck fear.


Go get a life, sweetheart. Do your plates again. Do something with your time. Relaxing isn't relaxing you as much as working does.


I have secrets. Juicy ones. Indulge?

Semi-secret blog

Okay. First of all. The thing is, I still blog.

But I don't think the world will be able to read this now, because it's practically hidden. It's properly concealed under a statement of blog leave.


Things I found out recently:

1. The best jeans are at Kamiseta. They have XXS, which is perfect for me... and they're jeans are pretty. Plus, when they say lowrise, they mean low-rise. The zipper says it all. Snuggest pair I've ever owned.

2. I found the perfect blushes at Penshoppe for Php169. I mean, it can be bad for my skin, but whatevs, right?

3. I semi-vow not to wear nail polish anymore. I'm intimidating the way I am already. I need to top scaring people. I know it's so FC and trying hard, trying to know people well.. but it's just something you have to learn. I mean, I am a wallflower... REALLY!?!?!? I get all giddy when new people come around, but I'm so palpak at saying Hi!

4. I'm not much of a drinker. I mean, I am still a girl. But here's a secret: Berri Orange + Gin + Cubes of ice = A DISCRETE ROCKING ALCOHOL DRINK! Perfection.

5. I miss studying. Prelims tomorrow, I'm studying ad prac. Woohoo! Socios's free, though. Hooray for us.

6. I HAVE A HUGE GUCCI BAG WHOM I NOW VOW AS A FAVORITE! My lola sent it, and I doubted it's authencity for a while. But what the heck! It's amazingly pretty! Love love love it!




Dear readers who found this entries,

Please don't tell me that you read. Nacoconscious and naprepressure ako.

Please respect that.

Beggingly yours,
Macci.

Dear everyones,

You saved me.

Truly yours.


...

Swabe lang, sweetheart.

musts

Stuff to find:

silver princess headband
red body shop lipbalm/gloss


Stuff to buy:
unfancy shirts
jeans?
camera bag and tripod
penshoppe blush


Stuff to do:
PD pizza box
Art App
Ad Des
Photo

Pre-retreat

When you don't say something the truer it is.

Hurt, happiness, yadayadayada...

Let how you react tell the world, really.

Dont stress yourself on EXPRESSING yourself.


....


I love Hey Jude.

Grabe. I'M SMILING. HAHAHAHA.

Sana may song pa sa world that makes me feel the same. :)

I love you, sweetheart.

(mejo naiyak ako watching that.)

A VERY SPECIAL LOVE

FEEL GOOD MOVIES ROCK!

Especially when it's tagalog!

And especially if it's cheesy and unrealistic.

And especially when the official movie poster looks so photoshoped almost unprofessionally!


HUWAHAHAHAHAH!

For the sake of me and all my block peers

PRO Duties.

Ambassador of Goodwill mode:


Photography Prelim Requirement:

1. Human Subject
*Against the light
*Without flash (Silhouette)

2. Human Subject with Flash
(Meter the background)
(Fill-in flash) (Smaller aperture)

3. Low key (light) *Any subject

4. High key

5. Landscape/ Cityscape/ Seascape
*15 mins Before or after sunset or sunrise.

6. Candle light/ light by fire/ similar small light source
(without flush) ((DUH!))

7. Any night scene shot (without flash)

8. Subject lighted with flash light / led light

9. Light sculpture

10. Structure painted with flash
(Evening Shot) ((Bulb setting?))

11. Double exposure
*Bulb setting

12. Shoot sunbj using rear function of flash ((WHATEVER FUCK THAT MEANS))
(Rim lighted subject) ((WHATEVER FUCK THAT MEANS PART 2))


Print the photos, 4R. Submit on 2nd week of September.

dfkghsfjgfhashj

Nasa compp shop ako ngayon.
Hahahha.

Philosophy.

Maybe.. it's all about philosophical thinking.

I Cant Find This And It's Depressing Me

I NEED THIS SONG!


...


This one is equally amusing...



Love the previous one better, though.

Here's a fact I know very well, but can't seem to apply:

You get work done 200% more efficient and 300% faster if you keep your ym signed out.

....


I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO BLOG ANYMORE. CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY.


BULLSHIT!

walang pasok

stuff to do:

1. Clean My Room.
2. Finish Ad Design Web shit (dont be such a perfectionist!)
3. Finish Packaging Design Digital Layout
4. Paint PD on Illus B

on another note

5. GET OUT OF THE HOUSE
6. Charge Camera Battery
7. Watch Dark Knight




And since we're all adults here:
"Oo na, walang pasok. Edi magsex kayo. Pakshet."
to whom it may concern,

pakyuness

-anonymous

Gig Hangover.

FIRST OF ALL: Tag if the Music Box is killing you. Tell me if you A. want me to change the collection B. Want me to make it just stop playing C. Want me to just remove it because no one like listening to it anyway.

...


6am and I didnt want to blog earlier, but since there's nothing else to do but have breakfast HERE I GO AGAIN!

do you know that i love you?


Oh yeah, verrryy nice gig the other night. Thanks you Tita Che for all the freestuff. I know you're not reading my blog, none of your sons do.. so what the heck, right?

Anyway, it made my week. Or actually ruined it because I didnt get any work done. Which is unfair because I'm blaming the gig when it's all COMPLETELY my fault anyway. Starstudded sa it was, I only post pics I like. Not pics of people I LIKE.

WTF.







oh yeah, this is My Dad, The Rockstar!!






Had a really fun night. I want more foooood!

Kublai's should really buy my menu from me. What the, I'll actually give it for free if they want it.


<3

Detroit Rock City

I remember watching this wayyy wayy back. REwatching it is just ectremely nostalgic.

Sigh. Why do they have to grow up? :( THEY WERE ALL SO SEXY IN THEIR OWN WAYS BACK THEN. Sigh.

THIS HAS A HUGE IMPACT ON MY LIFE. I dare not explain why.

Statistics

I have...


3 Cellphones
2 Sim cards (Globe and Sun)
9 Computers all over the house
15 Minutes average spent on watching tv in a day
240 Minutes average spent on being online in a day

3 Bestfriends
1 Best guy friend (Bry)
1 Ultimate bestfriend of all time (Pau)
8 Years of friendship with my ultimate bestfriend
4 Core Ultimates <3

1 Biological dad
2 Social Dads (Bombs and Mackyboy)
1 Biological Mom
2 Sisters
3 Housepets (exclusive of Jasmine)

3 Versions of this blog. (macciseasonone.blogspot, macciorig.blogspot)
? Countless blogs ever
1 Friendster account EVER

9 Subjects
27 Units
14 School Years Completed

6903 Days I've actually lived. Yup. Exactly.

a 'new' approach to blogging

It's 3:21 am and I just read from Reader's Digest about the benefits of sleep. To pretty much sum it up, the article states that sleep will make me a better, smarter, prettier, and way fun-ner person.

3:24am. I could've been on my way to school right now, and five hours from now, on a boat to one of the "pretties" islands in the Philippines. But well, LTS is moved next week, so I guess I just have to suck it up. I mean, I wasnt ready anyhows. No clothes, no nothing.

3:27am and Earl, Chep, and Khan are online. The men of my lives. Well, some of the few. These guys are heaven-sent. :) I heart yous.

3:27am I really do love Photog. Seriously. I posted my takes online and they can be viewed here: my flickr.

3:29am If you must know, things have been dandy for me these days.


Enough of the time shit. Ive been spending time doing plates. I mean what else is there to do? Life has been a pleasurable and slightly altering routine. Routines kill. Still.

Im supposed to go with Bry and feed the poor a little later, but he hasnt confirmed yet. We would love that, us two. The philantrophist in my body will finally get to do his/her work.

On Friday, Louie and Chep might hang about her in the am. Coffee, plates and company. Not bad.

I have plates to do, lots. Nica and Jihan are facing the same dilemma. The only difference is, they've started theirs, and I've nothing yet. Oh well.


I lost my retainers, and I have to pay the devastating amount of 6000Php to get myself a new pair. This sucks. My teeth are getting worse and I just lost 6k. Ampf.

Im doing the "Potential Move" on this guy I've known since forever. Hmmm. Hope he doesnt read my blog. He'll know himself when he reads this. Besides no one knows about the "Potential Move" aside from a selected few anyways.


3:36am I think I'm getting a bit sleepy already. Perhaps. My room's a mess and Id rather sleep downstairs than here. Im not using my laptop because it's in the verge of a breakdowna and I dont wanna risk it.

And this blog post is still insigificant.

On the other hand, below is an image defining how girls are. Stalkers.

Goodnight. Til next time readers.

Plate

Wala pa ko nagagaw sa fuckaging plate. My plan is to do it in powerpoint na, Then I make my compre. I mean powerpoing isnt supposed to be that hard, but compre making beats the shit out of me.

Whatevers.

Flickr.

I am now a flickr girl.

I've unearthed this from old takes. Niiiicee.

play of shadows

Thoughts

1. Why do we get sick when rained / drizzled on?

2. I have to make an article. Write about what you know. Write about: Insomnia, Depression, CFAD. Insomnias relation to depression of CFAD Students. (That sucks) Write about Patriotism? Write about Stress? Write about.... suggetions please. This is a week overdue already.

3. It's 5pm and I have work to do.

4. "Scar Tissue" and "Can't Stop" by Red Hot Chilli Peppers. AHLAVET. Imeem's 30 sec preview suck sometimes.

5. I'm usually home on Saturday night. That sucks. Well, life of the non-party girl.

6. We have to go to Divi.

7. I have to clean my nails.

8. Stretch stretch stretch. Breathe.

One Love

out of the 192 photos from the ad design photobooth.. only 15 made it.

San ko kaya to mga ipaglalalagay. Ang super cute e.


I heart yous.

Happy Heart

Its like I'm not fully comprehending that the week ahead will be deadly. Deadlines, left and right... work... LTS..

And I havent done anything useful yet.

1. PLEASE FINISH TETRA BRIK STUDIES AND COMPRES!
2. Ad Des Web Graphics
3. Photo. 10 Photos
4. LTS Shits: E.g. Buy aqua shoes / crocs-is shoes.

Goodness, please let me have the energy to finish this. And Im awake. And I'm sick. So just imagine where I'll get the physical strength from.

...


Grabe. Uso ngayon insomnia and depression. Fucking stress.

Pero seriously, it's uso.

Sooner or later, going to shrinks and popping pills will be the next big thing. That's the problem with modernity, you know. How can you be strong emotionally when you know na may back-up. Shrinks. Psychs. Yadayadayada.

You're not even supposed to expect them to work you know. They aid you in helping yourself.. pero you help yourself. Yun yun.

We all live in different realities, set in paradigms that we can adapt to our lifestyle alone. Sabi nga nila paulitulit, it's all in the mind.



So sometimes, I begin to wonder kaya. I mean, I know that thinking too much can screw your head. Pero it makes you a better person too. On the right hand corner of this blog, I've once put up the statement, "The highest purpose of your life should be to grow in spiritual grace and power."

Wala lang. Strength. Happiness. The pursuit of peace and contentment.

My heart is smiling.


Siyempre sooner or later, may challenge nanaman na dadating.. and I'm going to go crazy again. It may be worse than the previous ones, pero atleast I'm stronger. Maraming nagain from the shit Ive put myself through.


Hay angels.

:)

long long long post

Ang sarap magblog pag wala kang iniisip na dirkesyon ng ibblog mo. When you blog without consciousness of your language. When everything's pure and real and uncensored.

Buti nasanay na ko magcaps ng letter while tyoing, otherwise, I'd be blogging in small letters ulit.


IM WRITING BULLSHIT.. AND MAHABA TO. AND YOU ARE NOT OBLIGATED TO READ THIS AS MUCH AS I WANT EVERYONE TO READ STUFF I WRITE.

bat ko nga ba kayo gustopa basahin? Wala lang. Sayang kasi sa effort.


...


Honestly, isang lagok nlng ng iniinom ko I might just as well as get drunk. I can feel the uneasyness. Evrything.

Btw, did you know na mas nakakainlove ang gabi ng sobra kesa umaga. Especially when you talk with someone and you are so empty inside. Everything's more intimate.

Whatever. I'm not looking for romance. (Pero just the fact that I'm even mentioning it means I must want it, right?)


Hindi na ko nagbago. Di ko pa din alam kung anu gusto ko. Nagkaroon ng konteng moments na alam ko, pero ngayon hindi nanaman.

Pero atleast, ngayon masaya nako.

And globe na ko. Text me. 09052513545. Ang sarap imemorize. 0905 251 35 45. Lahat ng divisions may 5. Haha.

And I'm so tagalog.

Sa totoo lang, on my own will, I speak in english. Pero pag nakakabasa ako ng blog ng iba, napapaTagalog na din ako.

WTF diba?


Nagpapadala nanaman ako sa masa.

...


Sumosobra na ko sa pagaaral. Artist na artist na ko. Naalala ko kung bat ako nagfinearts and hindi ako nag lit. Kung bat hindi ako nag Law tulad ng sabi ng nanay at tatay ko. Kung bat hindi ako nag arki.

Kasi alam ko na dito ako mas magaling. Kesa writing, kesa speaking (yata). Na maski wala ako sa mood, magagawan ko ng paraan sarili ko to work artistically. Na I really loved designing ever ever ever. I write because I like expressing everything. Recording every moment. Analyzing situations, theories, and all the bullshit.


...

Napagtanto ko nga pala na We all Live in different realities. I keep on telling this to everyone fucking one.. and ung iba naiintindihan ako. And ung iba din hindi. (Teta, I heart you super.)

Reality is "subjective" as Khan says.

Reality is personal.

Iba ang reality sakin. Iba ang reality sayo.

Sabi ni Chep, infatuated ako sa life. I live this fantasy life which will never materialize anyway. Its true. I have the vision of perfection. Virgoes, I guess.

Mataas expectations ko sa lahat ng bagay. Tas ciempre, when they dont meet my expectations I get sad. Tas I get aggitated because I dont get it.

...

I want to stop thinking about myself. Face it. Everyone is a fucking Narcisist. Narcisism.

I want to think beyond myself. Pero what else is there to think about. The rest of the world? Philosophy? Kindness? Art? Money?


Punyeta. Wala akong pake sa pera ngayon. Seryoso. It's a really nice thing to have and ayoko maging mahirap, pero alam ko na wala jan ang kaligayahan.

Naging adik kaya ako sa Happiness.

Ive been pursuing it like hell.

Ewan ko lng kung nakukuga ko cia ngayon.

Pero tama c Mackydad/Mackyboy. I got better. Nararamdaman ko naman e. Sobrang better person na ko. Kung kilala mo lang ako dati.

Grabe kaya. Naninibago puso ko sa lahat ng bagay.

Para akong nabuhay mula sa pagkamatay or something like that.


...

OMG BTW LASING NA KO SA RED WINE. Cliche noh.

And btw. Ang yabang yabang yabang yabang ko. Promise di ko alam bat may friends pa ko.

...

Sabi ni Sir.Logic (na magpapaquiz mamaya), we all live to define ourselves. Artist na yata ako. Na mayabang.

Tas magphophoto kami ni Earl sa Manila Bay bukas. Kasama C Alpreddd (With triple D.) Huwahahahha. Parang kalovetriangle ni Louieee and Mackyyy. Hahaha.


So dun sa defining ourself. Dahil selfish ako I love defining myself.

BTW. ALAM NIO BA NA MAHAL KO LAHAT NG TAO SA PALIGID KO. Kaya nga Live and Love e. Ang sarap pag mahal mo lang lahat ng tao. Isa tong malaking katarantaduhan I KNOWWW!! Pero well, mas madali e. Masarap sa heart. Happy heart.

Happy heart.

...

OMG HAPPY HEART. OMG.

Article Trial 1

Before I drag my skinny pretty ass to bed, here's an attempt to an article, which I will never publish formally because I dont want to be banned anywhere.

Censored title:
Why CFAD students chose the right course
TRUE TITLE:
ADVERTISING IS THE MODERN GOD


(Ehem.)


As long as feeble minds are dominating the population, Advertising will be (God) the dictator of the everything. Media will only be effective when injected with proper amounts of advertising artistry. A little content. Ample aesthetics. And competent strategy.

The children of the next generation is driven by the messages sent by Advertising. Psychologically, our actions and definitions--of what is right and wrong, normal and abnormal, popular and unpopular, beautiful, plain and ugly--is influenced both conscioulsy and subconsciously by effective forms of advertisements.


That is why, dear CFAD students, we are (Gods!) bounded by responsiblity to dictate the correct messages to the public.

Perhaps, we work behind a single statement or cause. We are the reason these causes rampantly reach the and motivate the public. The question is, what causes are we for? Our selection of what to support can change the direction of the future.


And ofcourse, all the talking I've just done is bullshit. Thank you for your time and forget everything I've just said because I'm not submitting this to the school/college paper. Salamat.

Great Job. :*

I did a great job and I have to congratulate myself by boosting my ego:
(Shoot me!)

...

P.S. BESTIE AYEEN IS GREAT! DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID! IF YOU DO I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND SKIN YOU ALIVE. I love you, bestie. :*

3:32

It's 3:25 and I'm still awake. Refreshingly, I dont feel like killing myself because insomnia sucks.

Lately, everything's being just dandy.


My dad always asks me on the ride home, same question, "How are you?" and I find myself answering, "Better" every single time.


Better and better.


I didnt want to say it out loud, lest jinxing it, but here it is.

We survived dearests. All of us.


I love yous.

...


On the other hand, I still need to do the ff:

1. Have my teeth measured (WTF!) I lost my retainers and I need to go back to the orthodtist and make her make me a new one. It costs 3000Php and I'm paying half of it because ditzy old me couldn't find the pink ones. I mean, where the eff cuould I have lost it?

2. LTS Puerto Gallera Orientation tomorrow. Oooer. Adventure. No dears, I'm not expecting anything at all. It can be boring for all I care. But it would really be nice to get out of Manila (again) with friends (and strangers. ooooer.)

3. Article for Likha Mag. I need to get in. I NEED. My heart wont be happy unless I'm in. I'm thinking about writing about insomnia, I mean I have the credibility, don't I?

4. Studies for Ad Prod. Or maybe I'm using Chep's. But it's obviously not my work!! Basta I'll make a new one pa. Just in case. Teta, this is your fault.

5. Pau and I need to go out somewhere next Friday. We might go to a bar, and I can make her stay here for the night and we'll just go to school together in the morning. Or maybe, I can just stay at her place for the night. That would be great too.

Magical.

Weddings are beautiful.

It was really really beautiful. More of magical.

I was bawling my eyes out! Argh. Girls. Amp. Girls live for these kind of stuff. Well, not me actually, I don't know.. I've turned into such a fucking sissy. I was crying harder than the bride's mom.

They were both crying while exchanging vows. Waaah. In love. Sigh. In love.


Their love story?

They were together since I was 8. They practically grew up together! Me and my cousins practically grew up around them too. They were each other's only love. Waaah. Cry cry cry. Lovely.

...


People love these kind of love stories. That there's this one person out there for you, repeat after me, ONE person out there for you...

What are the chances of you finding that someone?

The person whom you are bound to meet whether you like it or not.

It's a stupid theory actually. Wishful thinking. I don't know. See, you can never tell anything. Not these days. Not ever.

Sigh. The idea of Love.

...

Oh and had the chance to bond with my cousins. WE ALL SO LOOK ALIKE! GRABE TALAGA! HAHAHA.

YOU WERENT THERE MON! GO TO HELL! YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD! *hug*
See you around.

Turn Off#4

Improper posture. Or basta pangit tumayo.

Turn On#4

Tall moreno guys.

Angels

(Not in any particular order.)

Louieee
Nica
Mackyboy
My DAD
Bryski
Chep
Khan
Pauline
SS


I heart yous. :)

Quotes to live by

You will never be happy kung lagi kang puyat.


Happines is a mental state. It's a state of mind. It's a choice. Yadayadayadayadayada..... (Insert more bullshit-ish truths here)


[/emo mode]




TEXT ME!!!!

Sweetest Thing In The World

My mom and dad are celebrating their civil wedding anniversary today. (Well, they have around 3 annivs in a year, dont ask.)

So, the thing is, they are both soooo dependent on me.

How my sunday went:

3:30pm Wakeup. Popsy shows his gift for Ma which turns out to be a Nokia6500 since my mom's phone is so warag na. Tells me to wrap it up TODAY.
5:00 Merienda with family
6:00 Mass. Ma tells me to pretend that I have a business to attend to in GH. She's yet to buy an anniv gift for Pa.
7:00 Before leaving the car, Pa tells me to stay behind and told me he needs me to pretend that I have business to attend to somewhere so we can go to Dangwa and buy my mom roses.
7:10 I pretend that I have to go to GH and calms Popsy down and told him will deal with dangwa when we get back
8:00 My mom buys my dad a Nokia6500! JUST IMAGINE HOW HILARIOUS I FOUND EVERYTHING. Awww.. and sweet.
8:30 Arrives home. I wrap their gifts and hid it in their closets. No need for names. Ma cooks steak. Steak = Special Occasion
9:00 Pa tells Me we have to go to 7/11. WTF! PINAKA KALOKOHANG EXCUSE SA WORLD! 7/11?!?!?!!
9:30 We get home.



ANG SWEET! They have the same gift. Waaah. I cant wait for them to find out.

It's 5am in the mornig and Im still awake. Fuck life.


My writing sucks. Bear with me.

thank you

Thank you life for

1. Pleasurable sudden rains
2. Hugs
3. Milo
4. Waking up great in the morning
5. Driving at night with good music
6. Good music
7. Red Lip Gloss
8. Girl friends
9. Guy friends
10. Imeem.com
11. Shampoo
12. Bestfriends :) :) :)
13. Free brushes and fonts online
14. bikinis
15. nice people :)
16. good conversations
17. shades
18. school
19. new music
20. smiles

Yoga

I really really really really really really REALLY want to do yoga. AS IN REALLY REALLY REALLY sobrang REALLY!

I mean it's perfect for me. Aside from the fact that it's intimidating me to hell. I mean I can't even reach my toes without.... I just can't reach my toes, that's it.

Reasons Why Yoga Is Perfect for Me (And Reasons Why I Should Upgrade from Yoga-ish to the Real To Life Yoga)

1. Insomnia (FUCKING SLEEPING PROBLEM THAT IS RUINING MY LIFE)
   
2. Backbone problems. (Uh-huh. I have scoliosis. It's actually pretty common these days though)
   
3. I sooooo do not know how to relax. (I mean, I'm getting better, but I'm not soo relaxed yet)
   
4. I get exhausted easily
   
5. I NEED A FORM OF EXERCISE. COMMUTING JUST DOESNT COUNY ANYMORE!
   
6. I need to learn to focus.
   
7. I really really really want tooooo!!!
   

I guess that's a good list up there. But just the thought of the Cobra Pose (See yogajournal.com) is exhausting me already. Ack ack ack.

Steps to Upgrading Yogaish to Yoga

1. Quit blogging and quit yoga-ish
   
2. Research!
   
3. ACTUALLY DO THE BASICS
   
4. Buy a book
   
5. Get yourself in Bikram Yoga Manila and cash out Php5,000 for the first month! That's enough incentive to keep you stretching for the whole 30 days!
   

Insomnia Fucking Sucks Its Fucking Ruining My Life. Save me. Please please please!! Save me!

Lemon Tree
Fool's Garden

I'm sitting here in the boring room
It's just another rainy Sunday afternoon
I'm wasting my time
I got nothing to do
I'm hanging around
I'm waiting for you
But nothing ever happens and I wonder

I'm driving around in my car
I'm driving too fast
I'm driving too far
I'd like to change my point of view
I feel so lonely
I'm waiting for you
But nothing ever happens and I wonder

I wonder how
I wonder why
Yesterday you told me 'bout the blue blue sky
And all that I can see is just a yellow lemon-tree
I'm turning my head up and down
I'm turning turning turning turning turning around
And all that I can see is just another lemon-tree

I'm sitting here
I miss the power
I'd like to go out taking a shower
But there's a heavy cloud inside my head
I feel so tired
Put myself into bed
Well, nothing ever happens and I wonder

Isolation is not good for me
Isolation I don't want to sit on the lemon-tree

I'm steppin' around in the desert of joy
Baby anyhow I'll get another toy
And everything will happen and you wonder

...


If you're still awake at 1am... Panic.


Remind yourself, things to do when (putangfuckingshet) Insomnia hits:
1. Ipod while writing notes
2. Do AdDes
3. Novelette
4. DO NOT CRY! DO NOT DRINK PILLS ANYMORE AFTER 1PM! It's too late na yan. You already ruined your chances of sleeping. Now, you just have to suck up to it.

7.10! Happy Birthday Pau, sweetie !! I heart you!

I lost 500Php today. No biggie. Back then I would've cried and whined my day away. I mean, it is 500php. But oh wells.

Its just sad. Think of all the SM DeptStore merchandise I'm missing on. (The fuck... I know. Happiness in the trivial things, see.)

I'm turning my room upside down for that. Argh.

...

Arctic Monkeys ROOOOCK!!
I'm sleepy. 12:17am.

...


But before I end my night, here's pictionary for you:

hooray! Milo.

I've been craving for the past month and have finally quenched the desire today.

...




Thank Sephy. Very much. :)

...

virus alert

I've been putting off upgrading my AVG for, like, a month now.. and my laptop, once again, is contaminated with a reckless virus/trojan (ack!).

I dont know what to do with this now anymore.

Should I reformat the laptop for the nth time? I mean, I have a new external harddrive now. Should I back up files and all the shit that goes with it?

Sad part is, tha virus attaches and multiplies everywhere. It's very likely that the backup will be saving the virus too.

Sigh. All my external memories are contaminated.

I'm almost desperate.

Reflection

God gave us work, because we have no social life to speak of.

I haven't gone out for ages.

And I've got all the time in the world at hand.

Superficial Happinesses

1. I found a black bikini. So the only thing I need now is someone to invite me to swim.
2. I've got great hair. YEHEY!
3. I can sleep til 6am! 7am. Yehey!

Popsy

I am my father's daughter.

I had breakfast with my dad this morning. I'm his little girl. I'm his reflection. I'm the little boy he never had, well, aside from the noteable fact that, hello, I'm a girl. A big chunk of his character stays with me.


...


I need to stop all this emo-ing and start to entertain you my dearest lovely readers.

you wake up in the morning, infatuated with life.
hurting, sometimes.


reality can be a pretty thing.

Good Morning

Sa dami ng maririnig mo na payo pang-araw araw, ikaw bahala sa paniniwalaan mo. Makinig ka sa sinasabi ng pusot isipan mo. At sa realidad na kinatatayuan mo.

Ang sakit ng ulo ko dahil 4 hours lang tulog ko. Tapos balak ko p nmn 8. Tas gandahan ko na tulog ko forever. I need it.

Malapit na ko mabaliw. Konte nalang. Or ayan na yata. Baliw na yata talaga ako. Or maaaring, baligtad. Napapadpad na ko sa tamang pag-iisip.

Ayoko tumayo. Ayoko lumabas ng kwarto.

Grabe.

Kung mamamtay ako ng 40 years old (na hindi naman sana. Sana mga 70 years ako mabuhay), nasa kalahati na ko. Haha. Eto na pala yun. Buhay.

Buhay = may mga buwan na ang daming nangyayari. Parang kagulatgulat. Tas meron ding mga buong taon, buklod buklod, na walang nangyayari. Lahat surprise.

People who are happy are not the ones who have everything. People who are happy are the ones who make the best of what they've got.


Gising na ko.

:)

Poetry

...


My eyes burn.
My hands shake when I raise them.
I feel my throat dry.
Every muscle aches as if stretched extensively, despite the fact that I have not done any physical work within five paces of the description 'rigorous'.
I'm exhausted. Fatigue envelopes the whole of my existence.
My ideas are dead.
My body is covered with a feign film of sweat.
I feel my bones shattering in front of everyone's eyes and no one being able to do anything about it.


...


Everyday I wake up with it.
I formulate new reasons and ideas and theories every single day.
Stop.
My soul's status fluctuates. Surprising me sometimes and annoying me sometimes because I'm going through the same thing I've been at moments before.

The hurt's so real it's poetry.


...


Happy thoughts: us girls. :)

i speak of love

dear monay mommy and ofw daddy,


possibly one of love's greatest gift is distance. to take someone away from you, when you want it so badly.

in distance, our hearts grow fonder.
what the eff am i saying? sino naman ba ako diba? what credibility do i have to proclaim the statements ive mentioned? i've been in love, sana enough na yun.
in distance, our love grows stronger.

alam natin na it's too early to tell, and we are young and restless. pero kung nahanap mo pa, bat ka pa hahanap ng iba. why do you have to experiment pa to find the perfect person when the perfect person is in front of you already?

number does not exist in love. it's not in how long you've been with each other, its not in how many years you've spent living.

trust your love for each other. if in both your hearts you know that this is true love, the chances are its enough.

be thankful that God gave you distance. kasi kung hindi dahil dito, you wouldn't understant how much you want this love.

Q&A 1

QUESTION
Sinong pipiliin mo? Taong mahal mo, o taong mahal ka?

ANSWER
Kung sinong mas sexy. O_o

crazzyy

sunrise sky
I know the composition is awful, but i got to get the pretty colors. Yippee for me.


hi bloggeee...

I know I havent been around for a while now.

Ive been busy.

And crazy.

And emo.


But so far, everyday's being the same.

Anyhooos. Love you.