Cranky. Very.

Warning: Bitch fit content.

2:44 am.

I am fighting insomnia.

I was thisclose to sleeping with my make-up and shoes on, in the same jeans and shirt I've worn for the day/night (whichever). That, without the usual prepping up. At 12fucking am when my dad knocked REPEATEDLY, INSENSITIVELY just to ask me to fucking charge my mom's ipod touch.

1. Why does He have to tell me? Why can't my mom do it? Very usually in my life, I'd say girl power and all thet non-bullshit, but this is sooo ridiculous. Annoying. Insulting. Why does he have to be such a dog and follow after all my mom's trivial beckonings. Especially when she's the one whose not being the better half these days (months, years)?
2. In mid-sleeping, once disturbed, I very much can't go back to it. --Something very wrong and unlikely with the sentence, but what the fuck right?
There's no poetry in annoyance anyway.

3. IT'S 2:53 AND I'M STILL NOT ASLEEP / SLEEPY.


Fucker.

For the past two days, all I've written in this blog are negative notions when I ought to be attracting the positive energy.

What the hell.

I'll get it right soon. I have more or less or exactly 362 days to fix getting it right.



You have to hand it to me though, I'm fighting insomnia. Still fighting insomnia. Fuckity fuck. (Annoyance is back) WHY WON'T MY MOM GET ME TO THE DOCTOR!?!??! WHY DO I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS WITHOUT HER? WHY DO THEY KEEP ON PROMISING ME THAT THEY'LL HELP ME WITH THIS WHEN THE MOST I GOT IS HAVE SOME OBVIOUSLY UNINTERESTED AND TOO GENERAL SEMI-PUBLIC DOCTOR CHECK ON ME AND HAVE HIM TELL ME IT'S JUST BECAUSE OF ANXIETY.

I KNOW IT'S ANXIETY, YOU ASS. WHY CAN'T YOU FUCKING FIX IT?


WHY AREN'T THOSE SLEEPING AIDS WORKING? WHY ARENT THE ANXIETY PILLS WORKING? FUCKIG OLD SCHOOL MILK ISN'T WORKING EITHER? WHY ISN'T 4 PILLS OF VALIUMS WORKING? (Uhhuh. I've resorted to 4 pills of valiums and am not planning on taking more than that.)

Why can't I get a good night sleep especially on a long day when every muscle and tendon is aching?

Why do I have to twist and turn, with eyes closed, from 11pm to 4am... and get to sleep at 5am. Especially when school starts at 7! (Fucker!)


I'm getting tired of this.

Everyone else is. Everyone is getting tired of this putangfuckinginang malady called insomnia.

Macci's insomnia. The one that makes her eccentric. IT'S NOT COOL MGA TANGINA. Why do people claim that they have one when none of them knows the half the sufferance you get from actually having one?


And most of all.. why am I so PMS-y?