5-9 life painting
11-4 ad design3
5-9 product design
Friday, May 30, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Uhh, dear readers, I know you wont really really really... but would you mind if I take a blog leave.
Okay, no one's going to answer, I just know it.
But there was a time in my life I stopped writing because my head is messed up the way it is already. And I'm thinking, maybe I'm messing it up by writing. It happens you know. Probably the reason why I didnt completely pursue this because I don't want to be psychologicallyd deranged.
So, as I was saying, this is just a spur of the moment post, and I'm not really thinking straight (Haven't been thinking straight for quite a while now, though)... but I do think I'll take this.
I mean, posts have been pretty lame lately. And I dont want to short change this blog. It's just that I dont know how finite the leave will be. And besides, I havent thought about it yet.
Maybe, I'll just post pictures and stuff for a while. Maybe.
malay nio. sandali lang ung leave. I just really can't write properly right now, and I dont think I should be writing because it's making me insane.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
dear sweetheart, darling, yadayadayada,
let's just leave each other alone, shall we?
sweetie, honey, princess
SHIT! I NEED RED NAIL POLISH! (or darky dark blue) tapos dapat semi-formal agad para cool! acckk!!!
i never got to wear a dress the whole summer.
this is the sexiest my ultimate little black audrey dress can get. todo na yan.
shet, shet. shet shet shet shet shet. acck. wtf?!?!?
ive been intoxication free for a week already. kinda.
how's my summer?
even through all the fucking whatever hurt, it was the best.
grabe. ang happy natin. haha.
annnddd pretty much everything IMPORTANT in my summer list has been crossed off. seriously. that's like 50 out of 70. who would've thought.
lovey love love love.
i love you, guys.
I can't get over the fact that I can't post the today pics right now. The memory card crassheedd!! Epal! Ewan ko kung bakit.
I want thos pictures. Sniff sniff.
The pics in the sira CF:
1. nica, earl, yosi shed pic
2. me and nica pav pic
3. lots of people at the pav pics
4. ust and grass pics
5. guy na kita boxers pics
6. braids ni ludai pics
7. model pics ko dun sa gitna ng pav
8. retro eyes ni gel
9. retro eyes ni nica
10. cr vain pics namin ni nica.
I WANT THOSE PICS. saddity sad sad.
there you have it, d.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
It's such a great wonder talking to different people. New ones.
Whenever I do its just a wave of overwhelming difference from me. How could we all think so differently yet the same?
I'm still such a baby, and we know that.
Fucking perfectionism. Uptight little bitch.
Everyone else in the world is laidback but me. Plus, I'm mentally, emotionally, and physically messed up.
I need an angel.
9. Daily Happenings
8. Stress, anger, and any overflow of emotion
7. Observations, theories, and other stupid stuff
6. Relationships : Friends, family, semi-strangers, love or non-love life.
4. Mysterious Posts o_o
3. Weight Issues
All of whic are discussed in the most conceited manner.
It gets better and better everyday.
Thank you for being here.
it's 3am sharp and im still awake.
i dont think i'll sleep though.
I need to be more passionate. And active.
Monday, May 26, 2008
CFAD Enrollment 3rd Year Advertising Arts
May 29 2008
Down Payment: Php 22,200.00
Total Fees w/ Installmenr Fees: Php 43,745.00
Total Fees: Php 43,145
Be in proper uniform
Bring ID and Clearance.
I will always remember:
Sleeping beside the pool at Laguna for an hour or so with Nica and Louie. At 4am in the morning. On the grass and concrete. Our legs dangling on the edge. I will never forget that ever. Surreal.
im on the pill again. and im not doing caps.
ive been doing well with my insomnia for a week and half, then i go derange my system again. now im on the pill, just waiting for the effect to complete itself. then tomorrow, i might not sleep nanaman. sleep on tues. the not on wed. not sleep on thurs either.
messed up. messed up.
i want to travel. alone. sa malayo. with my camera. (yuck! adik) maybe someday.
i wanna sleep. have a long day ahead tomorrow.
to people who read my blog for sure:
teta, we need you. you're our sunshine, you know that.
john taala, epal mo foreveeerrr! bat ba feeling mo loser ako and hindi ko lumalabas ng bahay! un ba tingin mo sakeen? ack! bitch!
seph, hey happy pill! stop being emo. we need ur abnormal hyperness!
earl, update please! love you mumsy. smiley smiley.
a. i cant believe im you. i cant believe it. grabe.
b. sayang. arrrggghhh. sayang. all my fault. as usual.
c. stop thinking she's sorry and wants you back! gago ka ba? ur all fucking the same, man.
d. tangina! di mo lang alam! mahal na kita! lalo na pag.... hahahahaha. seccrreeettttttt... wag nio ko tanungin!!
e. waah. thank you sa alaga sobra. so sweeet. cry cry. i feel like a little girl talaga. waah.
f. hindi ako makapaniwala na nangyari un. di na mauulit. uuggghhhhh.
g. im just happy your back.
my head fucking hurts. but i cant sleep. this sucks.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Okay. Obviously. Im not good yet. I mean, I'm learning, but it's barely been a week.
And the lengths I take to get a good picture? See below.
Twist and turn, and flex and stretch. To the point of humiliating yourself, yeah.
But the pics can be great for an amateur. (The hell, everyone! No one told me its "amateur" not "amature"!)
Product of my totally akward pose above.
Bestest picture I've taken so far according to my totally unpolished opinion.
Love the color. Or thereof, the lack of it.
I'm here, sweetheart. Always.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
"The people you know best are the most capable of surprising you." -Rufus. Gossip Girl.
The fuck! I'm getting life tips from Gossip Girl.
OMFG!!! AS IN eff eff eff geee!!!
PAG HINDI KO NATAPOS GOSSIP GIRL TONIGHT MAKAKAPATAY AKO!
it's been a weel already and I'm still at ep.16. THE THING IS, ANG BAGAL NA NG PC KO! heating up and shit.
im using my mom's now.
and if you haven't noticed.. no caps. im that stressed gossip girl wise!
CAUTION: BORING BLOG ENTRY
Maybe you need to know how much I love this blog.
I spend my time fiddling with the keyboard and finding the right words. To poeticize everything, vice vice vice.
As much as I want to show my feelings to the world, I cant. Because, duh... the world will be reading it.
So how much do I love this blog?
I could do this forever. Write. Rant. Complain. See how one word fits with another.
Goddamn fuck, I was born a writer. More than anything else. I love art. I love money. But there's nothing as natural as writing.
And this blog is the only outlet I have to the one thing I love.
I began writing in grade 2. I knew I was good at it when I first submitted a christmas poem to the school paper (Blue Mantel pa ung name nung school paper ko dati). THEEENNNN, the staff wont accept it because they wont believe that I wrote it. It was tragedy then, because I can't understand why they wont take it. But thinking back, GRABE! THAT WAS SO FUCKING FLATTERING AH!!
I kept on writing since then. Ewan. I just "enjoyed" it. Then it went on and on and on... and I'm not stopping, even if i tried.
It's been a love affair, actually. This blog. My writing. It fades every now and then, then it resurrects itself. Just like spark in a 5 year relationship. I make mistakes too. Lovely ones. Things that Writing, if he were a human being, would be totally against. Taking fine arts for example. I mean, there is no writing involved there. You barely even get to use words.
Then there's being inactive in the Tomasian Writer's Guild. I dont know. I just didn't have the time back then.
Then there's censoring. There's so much I want to write but never do lest being judged. In this human world, it's a basic fact: People judge. It's instinct. It's something we can't escape.
Things I were supposed to do but never did because I kept on going out:
1. Clean my room
2. Have my pasta (teeth thingy) filled and retainers adjusted
3. Learn to drive
4. My mom's business card
Want to know something weird? I think I'll go to SM today and have my ID Picture taken. Or maybe I should wait until I'm 10 pounds heavier.
But I'm just so sick of looking so damn fucking fugly on ID Pics.
Hoe emm gee. I have to text my blockmates about the enrollment details... like now!
But all the details I have are as follows:
May 29 Full Payment is: P43,145.00
Vain around when bored. No matter how messed up and tired you are.
Guys in shorts. :) (Common knowledge.)
Guys who are too fashionable. I mean, hello. Skinny jeans?
There's a far more appealing charm in a little ruggedness or laid-back ness, whichever you prefer.
But goddamn it! Skinny jeans??
I meana little fashion is fine. Ahlavet. Quirky. But too much is just so gay.
My brain isn't working properly anymore. It's 3.30 in the morning. I dont know what I've been doing for me to be kept this late.
Pauline says I have to take care of myself. She's 110% correct. I mean, think about it.
Evidences of Macci's Unhealthiness:
1. I don't get enough sleep. I mean, it's 3:30am and I'm still up. Im tired, I know, but despite that, I'm awake. Blogging.
2. I don't eat enough. I am abnormally underweight. (Enter: The Forcefeed Patrol)
3. I don't eat vegetables. And seafood. And all those other edibles that are supposed to better my well-being.
4. I don't exercise. Like ever. The most exercise I get is walking. And the 5-minute fake yoga which is just actually a waste of time. And brain cells.
5. I am extremely dehydrated. That's why I got sent to the ER the other day, if you have to know.
6. I have a very low immune(ity) system. Clue: the enchanted shingles.
7. I was depressed. Guess how intoxicated my body got then?
8. I have bad karma, which I am working on. But until I accumulate enough good karma (this will take around 7 years of work), bad karma is totally unhealthy.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
It's pretty much all the same for me.
Writing, taking photos, sketching, reading, even making music. Maybe I've never felt it in my life, but I've been living and breathing art. Every single day.
I know the true vice I indulge in is forcing beauty in everything. Thats why I had props, that's why I dress up, that's why I advertise and maybe that's why I'm quickly falling in love with photography.
I write because I poeticize everything I feel. I'm just a big cliche.
If there's a reason for living, maybe its art. I dont knoowwwwww... I'm thinking it's love. Im thinking it's happiness. I'm thinking it's sensation.
Maybe Art is underrated. Maybe.
I think I've just turned into an artist. Or siguro nakikiuso lang ako. Haha.
Yuhh. This. ^ ...Addict.
There are different types of manwhore in the country, and what's funny is YOU might be one of them.
Some exists for the sex. Some exist for the romance. Some exist for the love.
Some look pretty, some are as pretty as fungi-infected big toe.
Some are obviously after something, some are discreet.
Some are charmers, some just stutter their way to your heart.
How to know if he's one. Haha? I wont tell. In the meantime, use your instincts, darling.
Atleast I'm less amature-ish.
Systematic order of the day's events:
Slept at 4am
Woke up at 9.30am
Curled up in bed and did the mandatory emo-time
Downstair for bfast
Semi-watched AI (David Cook won. Like, whatever)
Breakfast: Corned beef and sinangag while reading Allure
Meddle with DSLR
Chat with Te and Mike
Lunch: Teriyaki Chicken
Now (11:58am): Blogging, waiting, while Jas's going all vain in the background
Predictions for the day:
Take a shower put on gym clothes
Beg for money
Paolo drop by to pick stuff
Go to St.Lukes to pick something up
Go to Cubao
Go to The Block (struggle)
Gym with Geno: Dance and (true) yoga
Eat something diet-ish for Geno's sake
Ma pick me up at 9 or 10
Get home and shower
Talk with people online and blog
Go to bed
Oh, fuck. This sounds so lame. Ugh.
So fucking amature. Hahah. But nothing to do at home means lotsa practice time.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
That's where I spend half of my whole day, see.
Spent the day at home.
I've been fiddling with the dslr all day.
Then, finished Angela Carter's "The Bloody Chamber" and "The Courtship of Mr Lyon".
Fixed my bags.
Tucked some stuff away.
Did lotsa fake yoga.
Ack ack ack.
I wish I went out.
"Once there was a girl
Happy and gay she was
Pain and suffering never made her curl
Until someone smacked her ass
A burning sensation she never felt before
A boy who made his heart a gift for her
Something so lovely she never knew she's adore
Til it was too late for her to incur
And now pain and suffering surrounded her
Trying to find someone or something that could mend her heart
But still chaos and abyss keeps finding holes in which they could enter
Now she knew how much she was gloomy and imperfect
A boxhead full of doubts and hope
She tried to not be forsaken at all
everything she did turned into bubbles in soap
Now she lives her life as she always wanted to be
As sweet and contented as a she wrote in anecdotes"
Strength is far more difficult to identify than love.
Strength is the ability to make great changes despite the consequences.
Strength is the ability to adapt to changes.
Strength is positive thinking inspite of challenges and difficulties.
Strength is grace under pressure.
Strength is calmness.
Strength is being able to think straight and proper.
Strength is accepting blame and keeping an open mind.
Strength is kindness.
Strength is an outlook that makes things better instead of bleak.
Strength is standing up.
Strength is living under correct principles.
Strength is betterness for others and for yourself.
Strength is finding happiness.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Enough charades. I found my dad's DSLR! Yeheeyy!!
I took the weird first photo. That is, my friends, my first artsy fartsy DSLR photo. Ooohh. It's a "photo" now, hindi na "pic".
Nica took the pretty "CANON" picture. She knows the cam a wee bit better than I do. Amp, who am I kidding. She knows fucking more. Gimme two days though, super karir mode!
Dearest E___ Guy,
It's a consistent fluctuation. Business, indifference, semi-romance, despiction and simple friendship.
It sounds so pretty when I write it down, but in real life it's futile and annoying.
But in the end, I'm just happy and definitely bored we're friends.
The girl whose guts you hate and hates your guts more.
Things I never learned until now?
Okay, here's one. Never follow all the stupid life rules, you'll effing ruin yours.
Anyhoos, you can always choose between going all emo or being happy. Choose to be happy.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Suffered crack of the dawn insomnia again. Couldn't sleep and therefore "tidied" up my room a little. I haven't done any form of tidying up for the past month so imagine how awful my room looks like right now.
It's so messy that I'm starting to appreciate it and figure that it's art. Uh-huh! That bad talaga!
I swore I'd be "tidying up" again once morning comes around, but hello hello, I'm infront of the PC again, blogging.
I really have to decrease my internet time. The only thing is, what else is there to do? Read? The new book drives me to sleep. It's not one of those page turners that initiated my insomnia in the first place. So maybe I should just indulge in buhay baboy... eat, sleep, eat, sleep... that would do soo good for my physical health, wellbeing, and aesthetic value!
Thing is, I'm not good at both. Not good at sleeping, not good at eating either. (Look at me. Im a vision of stress!)
They really are semi-perfect. I got one dark gray, purple, and green. Wala lang. I'll be shopping more, soon. Mwah, world.
This is not vain. On the contrary, this is how I look like, beyond the boundaries of the house, dressed down.
Yup, in real life, Im just pretty much one of those tiny, almost-plain-looking, chinky-eyed morenas you see just about every corner of Manila. Everywhere. Yeah, with buckteeth.
(Ugh. I'll so regret posting this. Aside from it being too conceited, I dont look too awfully pretty in this pics. Pakshet. :| )
Also, in Real Life, even if I'm supposedly 'sick', as claimed by the doctors, I still go out. Going out actually made me better. My abdomen doesnt kill anymore, and I can almsot tolerate food intake. The latter isnt much of an achievement because I barely tolerate food intake even without the aid of any form of illnes.
Gawwd, I have to take care of my health.
This year, because of the rather effective Forcefeed Patrol my famliy and friends (especially my friends) subjugated on my eating habits, I will actually learn to eat gulay. Oh yeah, to those who don't know, eating veggies is against my principles as..., well, principles as myself. They taste like leaves. (No longer surprising, since they really are.)
Oh boy, oh boy.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Life is so twisted. I'm currently reading The Bloody Chamber by Angela Carter and I'm thinking that I shouldn't be believing in books. They are stories to entertain us, not to educate.
Either way, everything is possible.
1. Anne Curtis or Heart Evangelista
I used to like Anne Curtis better, but I'm leaning on Heart now. Because Heart is more 'real'. But she can be fucking pacute at times. Anne too. But Anne's sexier. Heart's more of a darling.
Can't decide again. But they're pretty much the same.
2. Kim Chiu or Sandara Park
ANG PACUTE KAYA NI KIM CHIU! I mean both have no talent to speak off and are worthless, anyway. Yeah, and both are annoying as fungi. I dont know.
Agh! Sandara's a tad more charming and Kim Chiu's a tad more annoying and fucking bopek. Sandara wins!
(Another attempt at the caps thingy)
There are far greater blogger than me out there. Actually, everywhere. Even the people around me. I know I write in "good" english, I mean, I can feel the poetry in my fingertips, but that's not the point. A great writer writes from the heart. Pota, cheesy. But its true. S/he writes what is really happening unenigmatically, straight, blunt, and totally uncensored. Possibly, the success of these writers lies in the Gossip-factor that they are emmiting. But whatever. It's more interesting than anything else.
So does anyone want gossip about me? Pure first hand gossip?
It starts with the repeated question of How Are You from people who knows what's happening or what just happened? Bluntly put: Are you fucking over yet you conniving bitch?
I'm happy. This is a great err against the regulations of Season Two, but what the heck. Fucking rules bound to destroy my life again. Anyhows, I'm happy. Striving. Aiming for happiness. Digging deep and pushing hard to find the happiness that I deserve.
How am I?
I'm changed. Head-to-toe. Perspective-wise, parental-wise, fashion-wise, manner-wise, vice-wise, relationship-wise, everything.
Tell me, how did you know me back then? I was the spoiled brat who always got her way, talks a lot, dresses oh so papansin-ly, flirty (not a flirt, but flirty nonetheless), overconfident, snobbish but ultimately partypartyparty. Remember the days when I'd rather stay at home than go with you guys in SM San Lazaro? Id rather stay in school than go to Divi? Over.
The girl who wanted guys to gush over her and never thought anyone of them would be an actual actual friend (aside from my dear Bryski, ofcourse. I love you, sweetheart). The girl who claimed she's an independent mama who can go on alone. The girl who spends her LIFE shopping, dressing up, being posh and painting her nails?
Fuck fuck fuck. She's gone now. I'm going out with my girls, I dont flirt, my guy friends rock my world, and I dont dress up anymore.
The only thing that never really changed is I still write. Just like all the time. I write. Ive been writing for three quarters of a decade now and it still feels the same to me. Fulfilling. Not always relaxing, but always fulfilling.
How are you?
I'm fine thank you. Bouts of sadness come up every once in a while, but I'd rather have faced this in my life than never face it at all. Besides, It's probably an advantage facing it this early. I gave up the convenience and cuteness of coupledom for maturity. For this stage in my goddamn life that Im totally confused but I know it will be better.
Besides, I wanted this. I'd have done this sooner or later anyhows.
What do you feel about him now?
I dont know. I'd rather not tell. I'd rather tell him in person.
Are you over yet?
Louie and I live under the same goal. The goal of blocking hurt in our life. We dont want to hurt anyone and we dont want to hurt ourselves.
Just like the little girl that I was three years ago, I'm scared of love. I've always been and always have been. I risked it once, and it worked. It was everything I expected it to be until the end.
So am I over yet? I'm writing about it, aren't I? That means something.
Will you ever be happy for me?
I never though I would be, but I am. I already am. :)
Is there a new guy?
Saturday, May 17, 2008
i was seriously considering merging season 1 with season two today. didn't push through though because of the hassle. i guess, i'll just post link to season one just as sep/bes/seph adviced.
my pc sucks as of the moment. super hang.
and im not doing the caps thing anymore. no no no.
oh and im still uber sick.
kilala na ko sa emergency room. agh.
i "lvoe" shanghai baby. and i love me. i wont be posting this on friendster... so i guess, i'll be posting it on the bloggie instead.
i take real bad pics. :(
Friday, May 16, 2008
I think my parents love me more these days because I am being soo needy. Emotionally. Something that they've always wanted from me since forever, but they never get because I'm always too busy training myself to be independent.
I don't even know what Independence means anymore.
Sooo, anyway. As part of my Season Two Resolutions, I'm giving an effort to use caps on my entries. I've been told so many times to do it already, and since it's summer, and we all know how I'm totally, abnormally game all summer, I've finally decided to give in.
Grabe. Hassle. It like, takes twice the time I exert in writing normal posts.
I'm stil sick by the way. It's 12am. So, I'm off. :)
guys who smell goood. especially the ones who do even without cologne. yum yum.
im sick, just like the rest of the population. im just a whole lot sicker. i woke up the other day at 39.7 celsius, vomitting everything i eat or drink.
pakshet yang gin gatorade na yan! onte lng nmn ininom ko e. :( ive been warned about it but i still pushed through! now im not just sick. im extra sick! kesa lagnat lng meron ako, i feel the hangover. i dont vomit when i have a fever, ever.
i just want to get well already. :(
i feel like hell. really. my head hurts. my tummy does too. i cant stand straight. and i cant eat.
i cant beieve im writing!
uughhhh this sucks! cry cry cry.
im supposed to go out with my 2nd cousins today. but that didnt push through. then im supposed to go out with sobs (hs friends) to temple, but im not going because im sick. and there's this gig with my block friends that im not going too either. cry cry cry. illness has turned my supposedly ever so social weekend into fucking peace and relaxation at home, something i never wished for for a while.
im so bored i got to finish a book. i havent finished a book in three hours for the longest longest time. always been busy. but today, i finished erich segal's "oliver's story", sequel to our most belived "love story".
im even starting to read a new one.
i hate being home. but atleasstt, i finally get to drown in good books again. current read: "marrying buddha" by wei hui (one of my favorite author ever!!)
off i go now, dearies. gotta "rest" and pray to God i get better tomorrow.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
i do not watch tv, like, ever. proof? i havent seen the mcdo "paburger" commercial yet.
i dont watch tv because aside from the fact that 2 hours of staring at the tube gives me the awfullest nausea, the tv is verrryyyy depressing.
so i end up whiling the hours away infront of the pc. matter is, the internet is waay more depressing than tv. :(
i went home at 4pm today, the earliest ive been on a weekday for a long long long time. this feels soooo weird. oh yeah btw, i dont have PE anymore. its been almost a week already.
Monday, May 12, 2008
i looveeee pretty guy shoulders. broad, pretty shoulders. you should see me stare at pretty shoulders. shoulders, shoulders, shoulders!
im off to bed in a few.
but i just really want to tell the world how turned off i am with guys who shows any sign of liking anime. IM SORRY, TO THE WHOLE MALEKIND! but i just cant help but violently, negatively, and undiscreetly cringe at the sight of it.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
im not much of a writer. i mean, i dont, like, write to have myself published (as much as i want to. that'd be an effing wish come true, btw. nextlover, please be sweet and get me published.) i write about the trivialities of MY life and not of public matters that may actually contribute a difference to the world. i believe that i am writing for entertainment and recording purposes. also for personal therapy. and to satisfy my narcissism. but i do not write for the community.
im also not much of a nerd. accept it. i read, i write, i think 24/7. but im not, like, highly academic smart. and see, i just used the word "like" on pretty much a couple of sentences already. that is so bimbocious.
im also no longer much of a fashionista or makeup junkie. well, not anymore. unfortunately for my vanity, ive figured that there are other things in life worth obsessing about. this does not eradicate my need for clothes and cosmetics, but still.
im not a real real party girl. i go to parties, throw parties, plan parties with other people. i live for the booze, boys, drinks, and music. i live for the people. but because i am not cool enough (god bless my soul), i am not really a party girl. i love bars and shit, but i do not go regularly. and i dont go there on a semi-regular basis. I BARELY GO! as much as i want to, i am dependent on other people's connections to get into these places. and legal of age as i may be, i am still under parental supervision, and my partygoings are still limited.
im not a real artist. for the whole summer, ive only gotten to hold a pencil twice. and i did so because i reached the peak of boredom and desperation. not because i want to learn as all artists must.
im not a real spoiled brat either. we're not THAAAATTT rich, see. so i can't be a spoiled brat. and from what ive heard, spoiled brats never get bankrupt. AND I AM AT THE MOMENT. so that is an indication of my miserable unspoiled-bratness.
so to make things clear, im nothing in particular. but to make it sound soo much better than it really is, im a little bit of everything.
macci, the blogger.
emotions blind us.
sometimes, its better to keep on not talking, until the fog of irrationality clears up in your brain. otherwise, you end up being so stupid.
things arent clear until its over.
grabe. the world is so weird.
maccaroo: when people start liking someone a little too much
maccaroo: it makes people stupid
ken cultura: true
maccaroo: when i like someone too much, i dont get to flirt.
maccaroo: i shut the hell up
ken cultura: ill try to be cruel
maccaroo: what dya mean?
ken cultura: im sometimes become too nice
maccaroo: you turn meann
maccaroo: that's so girly
ken cultura: haha
ken cultura: maybe
ken cultura: maybe not
ken cultura: maybe ill just shut up
maccaroo: yeah it is
maccaroo: lets just both shut up
maccaroo: and hope to god and hell
maccaroo: we wont do anything out of the ordinary
maccaroo: e.g. something utterly stupid
Saturday, May 10, 2008
i know we've been swimming a lot this summer. but, see. pictures of the beach would so fucking look better in my blog.
in other words, im begging you to go to the beach with me.
i cant wait until june 4, spoiled brat that i am, i want one this may!
that goes to my family too. what is three days of absences if we get to love the water. jas and i are suggesting the following: bohol, cebu, or palawan. (no to puerto, boracay, laguna, pangasinan, batangas. whatever. those are for friends beaches.) we really NEED to get away, and you know it!
-yours truly, desperately beach-mode friend/family member.
pa's birthday after party. music in the background. people-empty tables. lots of wine glasses. caterers.
feels like the movies. surreal.
i hope it never ends.
grabe i suck at taking pictures.
so we had that 80s themed surprise party for pa's 41st birthday!
uh-huh. true true. 41st. my dad is young. he got married and started his business at 22. for his age, its been told so many times, that he is an over achiever. at 41, he's worked with prestigous groups and individuals. he's funded three girl's education, 2 of which are in college, and one graduating from hs. he built a great life for himself and for people around him.
all this in 41 years. im 18 years old, i can just multiply my age by 2, and i should be around his age. 36. shet. joke, ang layo pala.
my dad is living a full and happy life. he's at the peak of his career, he's got a great family, and he's still growing. at 41, all of us will still be growing too. even at 61. growth never stops. (well, unless you die. duh!)
it does feel like the movie. like when someone gets married, and they celebrate in a yacht, and there's a band playing. so we're not in a yacht, and there's no band playing, and no one's married too... but it just feels like it. sniff the air, feel the table cloth, look around you.
astig. it's surreal. i need more of this. (spoiled brat!)
Friday, May 9, 2008
the best writers are the really really really honest ones. the ones who dont just write for the sake of writing. they write with style and almost without care for what the world sees.
they are the best. ever ever.
fuck. im broke.
i havent been broke for a long time.
but i am now.
i need to find money somehow. options:
1. trade-in my phone for one of those popular couple phones.
2. i can totally give my full support and shit to the one-shade garage sale! which is kinda frightening because i might end up buying something from the garage sale too.
3. or i can just suck this up and not spend a dime.
4. or i can totally sell my soul in ebay. trend un e.
5. or maaaybe. i can get myself published somehow. how? no idea yet. ok research starts now.
un party edition.
1. learn pantograph
2. pc hard drive
4. change one century old bed sheets and get a functioning night lamp
5. fix bags and closet. for real. not temporary fix
6. have id picture taken
7. omg! drive!
8. rip off all wall ornaments and paint wall dirty white
9. keep my room clean and tidy everyday
10. MAKE BUSINESS CARD FOR AMBIENT LIGHTING!
sometimes, when you proclaim something out loud, it goes away. sometimes, proclamation enhances it. did i make a point yet?
its like, when you tell someone you like someone, you end up liking that someone more. or when you tell the world something bad about yourself, depending on the degree of that, uhh, badness, they'd ignore it. like when i tell everyone i can be quite a bitch, they dont have to find out about it anymore, and therefore, its no longer such a big deal.
DO YOU GET WHAT IM SAYING!?!? okay, well if you dont, just, well, stop reading, because the rest of this will just confuse you.
okaaaayyyy so here i go. the statement of the month.
ive been feeling quite e level of self-doubt. "insecurity" perhaps. but more on, unsureness of what will happen in the future. it sucks because ive never been much scared of the future, because i always know i have what it takes. or pretty much some of whatever it is that it takes. (grabe, palabo ng palabo tong post na to. consider it a challenge nalang, readers.)
i think ive been excluding some kind of negative aura. i dont know. just a little. grabe. ang gulo ko na.
in this life, there is always some sweet or nasty surprise hanging around every corner. sounds poetic, no? but its true. as khan says, life is just like the books and movies. only more complicated. oh, and khan also said that "every second spent outside the house, is a second well spent" which has nothing to do with what im saying, but i just have to congratulate him for formulating such an accurate adage.
even after the instructive "..." which means "change topic", the following is still vaguely connected to the entry above.
okay, ive been with my PE classmates yesterday. we went to some pool, and i have approximately 00php on me, because i fucking stupidly left my wallet at home. imagine my horror and humiliation. but what the heck, not the point.
ive never been so relaxed and tired at the same time for a long time. probably because they are different people. and things are rather foreign. and i had so much fun with semi-strangers, which make things so much fun for me.
i think most would agree that there's this certain kind of excitement with "semi-strangers" because you have such a clean slate reputation-wise and because, well, they're spanking new!
okaaayyyy.. i dont know what im talking about anymore. sorry for wasting everyone's time waiting for a gravitational point that i cant make. maybe i'll try again next time.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
one of the facts of life i just really really really have to accept. along with the others who are less grave. not being able to pull my hair in a pony or bun is just one of the saddest things on earth. sigh.
I ATE SO MUCH TODAAYYY! that's how a i gauge my happiness, see. on how much i eat. i know that considerng mcdo fries as breakfast is pretty, uhhh, tame. the thing is, i ate like a normal person today. and that's more than too much for me. pretty soon id be eating a lot lot lot.
wont that be great?
i dont really tell people about my day plans, you know. just this once:
ohh and it's geno's birthday. waahhh. we love you genoooo. surprise birthday party. pretty much everyone was there. (namely: me, nica, daddurz, ji, teta, louie, macky, bes, khan, papajoms, miguel, jomps) plus poker. plus wowoweee. oohhh.. and there were the truths and the dares!
the boys and girls of summer (malumanay-mode). and geno's 21-candled cake!
gawd. my cam phone sucks.