This is a concoction of reason and sentiments.
2008. Rock became my lulluby. Filled my head, it drowned stains of undelightful thoughts.
Season two was filled with raw sentiments. Unedited. Incorrect: Gramatically, By reason, By circumstance, By aesthetics.
Year 2008 and I'd been held by different hands. Too many different hands. I didnt want to belong to any. My soul was crying, begging me to stop. She was on her knees, wrist bleeding, not out of wanting death... exag un. Just fighting the greater pain with the lesser.
I had a crash course in philosophy.
,I read Sophie's world.
We are not Gods. We are not required to know everything. The search for the complete ultimate knowledge and philosophy is futile. Aside from the fact that it is vagued by influences.
I had a crash course in life. I hurt, and I survived
I can walk alone. Keep my mouth shut. Smile at the world again.
I learned that people are individuals. That live and love means a person is a single unit and life would be better if we knew someone purely as a person sans the fictions and facts circulating, jading.
I have unlearned luxury, fashion and all the ornate bullshit I feed myself with.
My internal organs have probably grown weary, film thinner because of the irrational and slightly excessive alcohol intake. And the other unhealthy intakes for that matter.
But what can I say? I'm 19.
We are young and reckless and restless
love is malabo. love is a vice. love is the highest form of high. love is optional.
But I have a tidbit of everything I want. I've ever wanted. Ever.
Human nature wired us to be eternally discontent.
But for a while in my life
I am fully fully fully satisfied.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
This is a concoction of reason and sentiments.
Here's a good one.
You are more likely to remember what the other party has told you, even to the point of directly quoting them, than remembering what you tell others.
Start of Year 2009 haircut:
I swear it kinda looks better in person.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Sunday, December 28, 2008
1. The perfect pale pink lipstick is perfect. Aside from the fact that A. It's prolly 5 years old and is in need of petroleum before application and B. It looks washed out on pictures.
2. Yet again, I've had the perfect haircut. Pictures someday. In the meantime, love me love me say that you love me.
3. SCHOOL WORK!
4. Gifts for the girlsies, bestfriends, and miscs.
5. Sunday was set for cleaning up. I woke up at 1am, talked on the phone, fixed my brows and hair, then started dressing up. I'm in my anti-fashion fashion outfit while purging these sentiments.
6. I will be writing my newyear's resolution soon. Complete with signature. What better use for my tablet than signing my works eh?
7. The sisters gave me the ultimate. Peacesigns.
8. I need to submit for dapitan. Just trying. Im not expecting much. "Prepare for the worst, hope for the best." foolproof never fails!
9. Social life please. Any parties out there?
Friday, December 26, 2008
You know the kids are not kids anymore when you can no longer make them play 'the longest line' and 'bring me'. Then again, you know that they can't actually be adults because they give it their best shot at 'hep hep hooray'... which, because of the season, has been altered to 'merry christmas'. Same rules, just different set of words and actions. Either way, adults and non-adults alike give in to playing BINGO because of the 500 php pot money!
I didn't get it.
So this is the first xmas in history I don't get money.
We kids should've played longest line. Now that I'm not that rich (tama lang. steady), I wish we did play the annual longest line. I mean the fact that I lug rolled up tissue around is sure to help anyway.
Still had a great time.
Required. It's christmas e.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Christmas eve later and I'm not looking forward the gifts. Na-uh. I'm looking forward my dad's grilled lamb concoction and all the other great food.
Everyone's been complaining that the christmas spirit is fading away. Scary. Next thing we know (around a century), there wouldn't be any christmases to speak of.
Back to the modern times, I just want to REMIND the whole of the universe that gifts are given to remind someone of yourself. What the? Okay, what I actually meant is, gifts are given to somebody as a part of yourself.
E.g. Aiwa gave everyone something that reminds her of them. She gave me a pair of leopard-print shades, because my (un)trusty ninoyaquino, perfectlyaviator, 700php Aldo shades got dismembered. Yeah, I tried having it fixed... to no avail. POINT IS, Aiwa's giving me animal-print shades to lessen the sorrow. Love love dear.
The thing is, sometimes (usually, always), the person's worth to us is directly proportional to his/her gift's PRICE. Okay, so maybe I'm complaining because I'm not very rich right now. (Not very rich = not broke but NOT VERY RICH).
Gawd, I already had my point through. You do get what I mean, right? Why am I even bothering, I haven't even bought gifts for lots of people yet! Friends, misc (chabbo).
Bad case of insomnia.
And it's christmas eve later.
^Ehem. No I did not just
right WRITE a poem. I just press enter a little bit too much. Not that it matters actually.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Bago makalimutan ang lahat... here are acad stuff to be done:
1. Ad Design Comics... Render
2. Ad Design Story Board for Insect whatever shit. (research more)
3. Photography Prelims -- FOR YOUR INFO. ANG DAMI NIAN!
Hope in photo
Interpret relationship in photo
Human Interest with Xmas Theme
Street / Market Scene
Out of this world xmas
Portrait in candid
Portrait in pose
4. PD Box Design. It sucks. How do I make it work?
5. Ad Prac!!!!!
Sorry. Mood breaker.
How do I delete my Multiply blog? Because, as you can see.. IT SUCKS LIKE HELL.
I believe that the on probation rule is already a thing of the past. It is gone and forgotten.
I CAN NOW PARTY.
Fuck. Xmas is two days away.
Tomorrow errand is to get gifts for my sisters. And Tita Luisa, Ate Neng, ang Chabbo.
Fix shades. Save up.
Check up on Xta. Date Bryskitotz. Entertain Pau.
Gift for for friends.
Gift for misc.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Just helping a friend out.
Size Small for Men
Which means, kasya din sating girls if we want. Yehey. Pero manly e.
For Sale. At the very low price of 600 pesos. Honestly. Astig diba. 650 yan dapat, may tagprice pa. At wala akong tubo jan, wala din cia tubo. I'm not businessy anyway. Just tag or pm or text me when you're interested.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Currently listening to a very clear copy of Jesse McCartney songs--from a CD. Thanks RR.
So anyway, this is what 10 pounds difference looks like
P.S. The second image is hhaawwt. \m/ -mode
THE URGE TO SNEAK OUT IS OVERWHELMING.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Sometimes, when you hurt people, you owe it to them not to apologize. To apologize is to rub it on their faces that you have such a big role and effect. You are giving yourself the importance you do not deserve.
Either way. I'm sorry. Because.
You owe it to me to understand. I hate drama but I seem to be drawn to it.
It's hard to explain. It's confidential, darling.
And to You/s.
I am very disappointed.
But life goes on, yes?
Matitiis ba naman kita in the end?
Friday, December 19, 2008
I don't want a lot for christmas
I don't even want you
Maski anung ibigay sakin ok
Maski wala maski meron
I just love yous.
Pasko pasko pasko nanamang muli.
Where are you christmas?
I can't find you because I'm broke, I'm stressed, and I'm worried. And because I've grown up.
Adtu block party tomorrow. Not expecting much. Whatevs. Another no pressure party. Pag di kayo nagsipuntahan bahala kayo sa buhay niyo dahil inaamin ko na bitter ako. Ok?
Still On Probation, even if I can sneak a few drinks here and there. I mean I can go out by daylight anyday as long as I don't go home too late. That's not happening soon. Well, maybe I have to appreciate it. There's always a bright side to everything. The assuring silver lining behind every yadayadawhatever cloud.
I bet my plate will be good. Harharhar.
The first xmas gift I got this year was the Unofficial Adtu Girls Notebook as illustrated by Nica herself.
AHLAVET! AHLAVET TO DEATH. You are officially a creative mind.
First TWG Workshop a while ago. I knnooowww my poem got the beating it deserved, it was good critique. Unbiased. Personal. Subjective. General. Yadayada...
Hahaha. Thing is I can get use to it. Yay! I'm strong.
I DONT WANT TO MISS ANY PARTIES. Is there even any to miss?
Oh, the Sobs dinner. Will it push through? I wonder.
I'd love it if it does though!
Sunday, December 14, 2008
I will strictly be following the Cinderella curfew parentally promulgated once upon a time. Well, if they ever let me out, then I swear in the name of my Conchinita Cruz I will be home before the clock strikes 12 for the rest of the year.
Ad5 party rocked. Yeaaah, I know. I went.
I ditched BigBoy's semi-formal-ish socialite-ish ish 500php astoria christmas party for one that isn't my block's own. Next time, dear. Pramis! Sorry talaga I ditched.
Ad2 block party after paskuhan pushing through. Hopefully. Kayo bahala. I am not in proper sanity to make decisions now anyway.
No gifts for anyone yet. Can't even think of things I want for myself.
I am officially sabaw.
Does it matter?
Currently doing the overoveroverdued caricature rendering WHILE waiting for the parentals to go home and give me my second dose of reprimand. My throat hurts. And I am properly groggy.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Friday is plates day.
My spine is aching from the stopping I had to do for my Masaccio knock-off painting. Whi Masaccio of all renaisance artist? Masaccio. Conceit to death. Buwahahaha.
1. Baby thesis. Killing me. In more ways than one.
2. I reaallly can't go to the ad5 party as much as I want to because I need Louie there.
3. I've had three or four old shades fixed. Yay! Brand new second hand shades! <3
4. Lit overload.
5. I hate beer. Please stop making me take beer. No to laki-tyan!
6. I have to pick up the 50 3r developed pics, as well as the perfectest aviators.
7. I have to digital render 1 more caricature and 1 set of comics!
8. I have to submit for tomorrow's EFFING DIFFICULT PD carry-all. How the fucker does that work anyway?
9. Half-way painting Masaccio's Old Man painting, I no longer have energy. I can't stop now, though. The oil paint's is perfectly moist! Perfect for editing and overlaying at the same time.
10. I WANT TO SKIP XMAS. I BARELY HAVE THE TIME AND ENERGY FOR THAT!
I MISS MY FRIENDS. I MISS MY FRIENDS. I WANT TO CRY. I WANT TO WAIL. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THIS.
Why am I so fuucckiinngg inefficient sometimes?
Oh... and a little bit too spontaneous too.
11. I'm semi-broke.
But I'm not complaining. The last time I did got people into a bit of trouble.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
On a regular thursday morning.
Class starts at 7. I woke up at 8.30. All that despite the new old-school (red and pretty :D) alarm clock I place on my desk for inconvenient access, and the usual mobile phone alarm. Yadayada.
I can't keep this up.
But I'm blogging right now. Wtf?
In being late, you have the liberty to dry your hair so it ends up being pretty and lugay worthy, apply the infamous no-makeup makeup properly (which actually just takes 5 mins to execute), eat breakfast, stretch stretch stretch, fix your bed, and bring the proper amount of school stuff.
Stretcy stretchy stretchy. My body's aching. Maybe the fact that I lug around stuff half my body weight contributed to that.
Fuck. My english is so weird this morning. Lit overload!
Tidbits from yesterday:
Poetic *insert any word here. ANY*
Ang boyfriend kong di ko mahal.
Ang ma-sendan si orange bag ng sarili niang picture na (fucking) edited.
Pride or unpride
I had dinner alone at 1am in the morning. The sad verity is I'm getting used to it.
I really need to bring my own house keys, since I go home a little too late everyday. Not completely my fault.
9:28... I'm all dressed up. Kinda. Anyhows, KILOS!
P.s. LP later. Ugh. I hate LP. I will be hating LP until I get my painting right.
Monday, December 8, 2008
"On Philosophy and Psychology"
Every statement ever stated
Clouds of thoughts envelopes you
You eat the human brain for breakfast
You drink the system of the world like wine
You savor my contemplations and devour them
Then spit them back on your plate of associates
Primo you are my dawn's conscience
Leaving my conclusions scratching for survival each time
Mid'day I wake up thinking
You've licked my mind clean of philosophies.
Primo you have raped my mental complications
pilit hinihimok ng mapusok na kaisipan
at tinatanaw ng bintana ng katauhan
sutla mong labi, balingkinitang katawan
di mapatid ng karunungan
pinanghahawaka'y tuwid na salamin
sinisipat ang babaeng wari'y nangangamba
tutok sa pagtitig sa sarili
at sa pagtanto ng munting imahe
nadaplis sa iyong kamusmusan
na nagtila hangin sa kapaligiran
isang hamak na diyosa ng karangyaan
saliw sa musika na dumadaloy sa napapatid
waring hakot ang puso at sayo'y hinahatid
astang galak sa pagkakatagpo
na hinilom ng pagwawagi mula pagkabigo.
I didn't write that. Ung mga maayos ang network, malalaman kung sino yan. Wooh hanep us!
Balang araw maiintindihan ko din yan!
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Kaylangan ko na gumawa ng plates. As in.
Kaylangan matapos ang fashion sketch para makasama ako sa wed... alam mo un, dun sa TWG. Dun sa org na newbie na newbie ako na pinagsisiksikan ko ung sarili ko. Yeah.
Scene from Org... mga twice to thrice per session:
TWG Member: Macci! (with sincere smile and sincere niceness and sincere curiosity na hindi nagpapacute lang.) Anu sinusulat mo?
Macci: Uhhh.. uhhh.. (Adtu, alam nio nung inenterview ako ni Christ look-alike Sir Pro Eth about sa kiss.. ganun katagal na 'uhhhh. umm. uhhh') Pareho eh. Pero mas gusto ko [*insert "Prose" or "Poetry" here. Depende sa mood mo sa minuto na un.*]
TWG Member: Ah. Ayihee. Pabasa!
Macci: Haha. Gusto ko nga mabasa ung sainyo e. Di ko lang alam kung saan hahagilapin.
TWG Member: Sama ka lagi sa workshop.
Macci: (Tunay na tunay na sincerity. Redundant ba?) Promise.
Basta. And nice nilang lahat. So far.
Pero being in a biosphere of quite a number of people... malamang sa malamang... may mga lilitaw na issue every once in a while.
According sa kaibigan kong long hair, meron na naman talaga. Pero does it matter?
At bakit ako nagtatagalog? Kasi naman ewan.
Tama na blog. Kaylangan na magpakaCFAD. Labor labor labor. Brain work with labor plus swertihan sa tamang layout, kulay, sketch etc.
Fight, Mac. Fight!
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Find yourself and enjoy.
Dear Miss Perslab
Panghabang buhay na tong LQ natin. As long as we get through it, I don't care. I love you. Happy ako very na natulog ka dito kagabi. Tas we were so swabe lang... na parang ganun talaga tayo mabuhay. Tas masaya tayo.
Alam ko madami akong pagkukulang NA. I know. Perooo, hahah wala. Ok lang e. Wala kang takas sakin
Thank you sa walang humpay na pagmamahal, paglalambing, at pag-aalaga. Ikaw ang ilaw ng tahanan ko na tinatawag ko na beato.
The things I do that I ought not to... Hay buhay diba? Gusto ko lng sabihin na sana nandito ka. As in. If you were here, iba lahat ng bagay. Things happen for a reason, I know... pero anu naman ang wishful thinking diba?
Anjan ka lagi lagi lagi. Maski kelan di mo ko hinusgahan. Ikaw ang taong nagmahal sakin ng buongbuo walang sabit. At mahal din kita ng buong buo.
May mga kasalanan ako, alam ko. Konte lnag and itsybitsy naman. And between the two of us, you're the better friend. *Sniff*.
Dear Mini and Micro
I will not survive without the support, the pagtakip, and the company. And the sizes. You are the bestests and you know it.
If I were given the chance to choose, you are the best choices. Ever.
We are forever. We are blood and bones.
We've never been better.
Your support keeps me strong. Your company keeps me sane. You always make me feel like I'm not alone. Alam ko na hindi ko nagagawa sayo ung mga nagagawa mo for me. Alam ko na all you ever get from me are the occasional hugs and stupid advices. But if it weren't for your words, I would not be what I am. Whoa. Serioso un hanep.
Dear Happy Pill
I'm happy you're back and you're happy. Very much. I missed you.
Dear Lucky Charm
Without us recognizing it, we changed everything. We became foundations. We became a mutual tandem. You taught me and introduced me stuff I should've known all along. Na life is not all clothes and makeup. That people are actually good people. Huwat?
Basta. Love love.
We da rakstars. Miss ko na kayo mga kapatid. I. Want. More.
You made my dreams come true. Parang tanga nga lang ako. Sorry sa ingay. And sa over entuthiasm. We love rogue, we hate twilight. We are true. Looking forward.... sa madami.
Dear Mr. Outlaw
Yip! Kung yung kahapon ay nangyari dahil sa sinabi nia, or kung dahil un sa di mo lng cia trip, I may never know. Di mo nmn to binabasa to e. Nafeel ko na protected akong sobra... na parang little little little girl. Oo. Sa tuloy tuloy na text all withing a 3-minute range, best ever. Dahil ayoko ng mabagal magtext. :) You are the siga of my life. Sana maging 1% girl ka naman. Madami kng ginagawa pa na naaapreciate ko. Astig us. It's been 9 days ulupong ka noh?
Hope ka ng world. Happy crush ka namin. Your smiles are like sunshine. Basta ganun...
Naapreciate namin ung kalabit mo etc etc. Tas sasayaw ka bigla. Lol.
Swerte ko naman sayo. Maski na pakyu ka.
Kulang ang space dito. Madami akong sasabihin.
Conclusion: I love you. And I MISS YOU. And alam ko naman na nagkakaintindihan tayo. Girlies, we are growing up.
I'm sorry to disappoint you. Every now and then. Lalo na ung now. Kesa dun sa Then.
Either way, you're still the true loves, maski na may true loves na kayo.
I. Am. So. Tired.
Hm. Sorry. Could. Not.
I am very happy for you.
The wordless empty box.
I just cant take everything. Haha.
MY HEAD HURTS.
AND MY ATM IS LOST.
Hmmm... Nici came over in the middle of the night, just as planned, and I forgot to lock the door. Sneaking around has been becoming more usual then ever. My dad is a man of few words, and when he reprimands, it strikes hard.
"Please be responsible naman."
No more partie for me for a while. Not this week.
I keep on asking for help and people keep giving it to me. "Are you even helping yourself?"
A bit. I'm actually doing plates again now. And next thing I know, I don't get late anymore. Hopefully, rawr. And the nextest thing I know, I'm back in the greatest shape ever.
Well, I'm in a good shape, just not the greatest.
I just need a bit of work.
This, my friends, perhaps, is a plead for help. I am officially announcing that I need a push. I need yous, loves.
It's 1:29, I haven't had dinner, I'm broke and I need sleep. And oh yeah, my head hurts.
Salamat sa inom mga kapatid. Lalo na sa kapatid kong whore, artist, at outlaw. You know who you are loves. :)
Sunshine tomorrow and I'm absorbing every bit of it. Wish I could help.
Wish I could stop bein such a cryptic diarist.