Sunday, May 18, 2008

Answer and Question

(Another attempt at the caps thingy)

There are far greater blogger than me out there. Actually, everywhere. Even the people around me. I know I write in "good" english, I mean, I can feel the poetry in my fingertips, but that's not the point. A great writer writes from the heart. Pota, cheesy. But its true. S/he writes what is really happening unenigmatically, straight, blunt, and totally uncensored. Possibly, the success of these writers lies in the Gossip-factor that they are emmiting. But whatever. It's more interesting than anything else.


So does anyone want gossip about me? Pure first hand gossip?

It starts with the repeated question of How Are You from people who knows what's happening or what just happened? Bluntly put: Are you fucking over yet you conniving bitch?


I'm happy. This is a great err against the regulations of Season Two, but what the heck. Fucking rules bound to destroy my life again. Anyhows, I'm happy. Striving. Aiming for happiness. Digging deep and pushing hard to find the happiness that I deserve.

How am I?

I'm changed. Head-to-toe. Perspective-wise, parental-wise, fashion-wise, manner-wise, vice-wise, relationship-wise, everything.

Tell me, how did you know me back then? I was the spoiled brat who always got her way, talks a lot, dresses oh so papansin-ly, flirty (not a flirt, but flirty nonetheless), overconfident, snobbish but ultimately partypartyparty. Remember the days when I'd rather stay at home than go with you guys in SM San Lazaro? Id rather stay in school than go to Divi? Over.

The girl who wanted guys to gush over her and never thought anyone of them would be an actual actual friend (aside from my dear Bryski, ofcourse. I love you, sweetheart). The girl who claimed she's an independent mama who can go on alone. The girl who spends her LIFE shopping, dressing up, being posh and painting her nails?

Fuck fuck fuck. She's gone now. I'm going out with my girls, I dont flirt, my guy friends rock my world, and I dont dress up anymore.

The only thing that never really changed is I still write. Just like all the time. I write. Ive been writing for three quarters of a decade now and it still feels the same to me. Fulfilling. Not always relaxing, but always fulfilling.

How are you?

I'm fine thank you. Bouts of sadness come up every once in a while, but I'd rather have faced this in my life than never face it at all. Besides, It's probably an advantage facing it this early. I gave up the convenience and cuteness of coupledom for maturity. For this stage in my goddamn life that Im totally confused but I know it will be better.

Besides, I wanted this. I'd have done this sooner or later anyhows.

What do you feel about him now?

I dont know. I'd rather not tell. I'd rather tell him in person.

Are you over yet?

Louie and I live under the same goal. The goal of blocking hurt in our life. We dont want to hurt anyone and we dont want to hurt ourselves.

Just like the little girl that I was three years ago, I'm scared of love. I've always been and always have been. I risked it once, and it worked. It was everything I expected it to be until the end.

So am I over yet? I'm writing about it, aren't I? That means something.

Will you ever be happy for me?

I never though I would be, but I am. I already am. :)

Is there a new guy?

Fuck no.

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