Mental

My mind's so idle right now. Like I don't want anything. Maybe it's the moment's contentment or maybe it's hopelessness. I mean what can I possibly acquire that will change anything, life will always be both unreasonably pleasant and awful anyway.


The Virgin Suicides indicated that some people are too much of dreamers that when reality hits them on the face, they don't know how to cope. They end up succumbing to irrational measures.

The Ophelia Dumalanta Reader indicates too that we must know when reading has its limit. We must identify which information intake we have to apply.

The thing is, with the lot of lessons we learn through out the day, not everything makes their way to our brain. It's a mental clutter.


2am in a cold bedroom is always boring.

420am

My room is so cold. Brrr.

Let's see, so I fixed my room, which at this time is thrice its normal mess because of additional inhabitants. Cleaning le humble abode did wonders for my mood however not much for my sleeping problem.


And no, I don't think I can actually share life-altering stories in this blog. I guess we'll just have to do with the random barely interesting tidbits and ask the juicy life details personally.

...

And to get myself through tough times (e.g. boredom), I am now watching The Big Bang Theory on my ipod.

Weather

The rain sucks. The ground's wet, the air is stuffy.

But isn't the chill just extremely magical?

06.22

1. Reintroduction to Music.

I love the following bands: The Kooks, Red Hot Chilli Pepper, Switchfoot, Radiohead, Matt White

The said bands are the worksongs along with the old favorites (Amy Winehouse, Jason Mraz, Maroon 5, Arctic Monkeys, Julie London, The Cardigans, Up Dharma Down).

I also like (or love maybe. I'm in a confused time) Andrew Bird, The Donnas, Pedicab, The Rolling Stone

I've given up on listening to Incubus, Led Zep, Kate Nash, Lily Allen, Itchyworms, Matchbox20, The Corrs (Ugh). Not that they're bad. I just have to give my eardrums a rest.

I'm very sorry but I can't seem to appreciate The Moldy Peaches, Great Lake Swimmers, Jimmy Eat World, Mark Ronson.

(Disclaimer: The mentioned artists are just some of the artists I can remember right now.)
(Totally namedropping.)


2. The regulars:

My room is still a mess. And yes, I always strive to straighten it up every night. My sister's are staying here because relatives are all over the house.

My insomnia is still bad. I won't be sleeping tonight.

My hair is growing.

Am currently looking camcorder software online.


3. Thesis

It's a youth-oriented National Writer's Workshop for Creative Writing. Think about it. It's the same high we artists feel if we find that the greatest artists in the country are willing to share their technique with us. The most prestigious advertisers orienting us on how they process.

You just have to prove you're worth it.

And it's totally all about the youth so the design proposals will be so fun and modern and posh. PLUS hello, related lit material.

And hello, if I'm going to work on something for a whole year, might as well work on something I love. Besides other people had worse ideas and they made it work. Tahong, anyone?


4. Family

It's the ultimate reunion. School, work and AH1N1 isn't stopping it. Looking forward to a lot of dinners, out of towns, and more reunions.

Weirdly, we're all having fun. Ho-hum.

P.S. The lolo is a walking faux pas. And since I'm supposed to be used to it, I find it amusingly annoying and not just purely annoying. Besides, family love.

5. Misc

None.
So the relationship was short-lived. Cut me some slack.

Attempt at cooldom

I have decided to actually share my life with this blog. See, I only write general details because:

a. If I'm doing something uninteresting, and I write it down, it look like my life's boredom purgatory.
b. If I share something interesting, it would seem as if I'm boasting,name-droppint, etc... and that would be the least cool thing in the face of cooldom.

So my aloofness to my own blog is actually a product of my climb to cooldom. Eew.

Therefore, with whatever theories I end up with as contributed by the statements, I will still try to share my life. Because if I stop thinking about what you think, then I will be so fucking cool B-) ... and happy too.

Still, no pressure.

...

THE TASK

[/] 60pts The closet
[] 15pts Change bedsheets
[] 20pts Do something about the bags everywhere
[] 45pts Scrub every tile and between in the bathroom
[] 20pts Clutter of books and magazines everywhere
[half] 30pts The makeup closet and shoes
[] 50pts Pictures on the wall
[] 15pts Accessory drawer
and of course
[90%] 1000pts Work. (MAP Powerpoint fuckingshit)
-------
900+60+15 = 975 over 1255 = 88%!!!


1. Ate Neng cleared the closet for me. Yey. And that's not cheating there's no rule stating that you can't explore any method as long as you get the work done. Besides there are no rule at all.
2. I only got to clean the makeup closet.
3. I finally finished the (STUPID FUCKING) powerpoint. I just have to put it in CD and deliver. No, the project is far from done because the bosses have a case spontaneous demanding-ness... in a nice voice you can't refuse. Cry cry.

Nice people are evil!

Death

People die and it sucks. It sucks becasue they leave you. It sucks because it's abrupt. It's not like they just fade away as if some sort of detoriorating friendship. It's almost unrecognizeable, even if you know that it'll be coming.

Deaths rip you of a part of yourself. Like an arm. And you can't have it back.


Background: He's my dad's uncle and therefore, my 'lolo'. Whatever. He's the head of the whole clan. He's the chief. He's one of those characters whose absence you would notice. And he kept the family together.

It's the first time I've actually experienced a death in the family. And because he'd existed in my life since forever, it's weird knowing he's not here anymore. I mean, if I didnt KNOW that he's not here anymore, maybe it would be different.

The whole family is flying in from different parts of the world, and as my cousins put it, homes are fully booked.


Yes, he's not young, but I never imagined him passing away.

06.20

My tolerance to music is increasing ten-fold. I no longer crave for silence anymore.

I should start working now, and hopefully I'll finish everything tomorrow.

Weird thing, my dad bought me Mudshake.

And look! Everyone's leading their own lives. It's quite refreshing, I actually love it. :)

Lies and Soundscape

The folks would always be able to tell if your hair smells like smoke. The other half would always know if you have an extra phone with you for extra-curricular activities. The strangers would know if you're just making up an awful joke. The profs know that you're not late because of unforeseen circumstances, and you just woke up late. The friends know that you're in love with her, even if you say you like someone else.

Just stop lying now, will you.


...


My musiclife is on a roll. Spent a sum of 6 hours downloading and I figured I love rock. Weird.

Bad music is just annoying. I wish I could clear the world of bad music.

The universe is great. God created music to drown our thoughts.

...

Life is all about the indulgence (e.g. walking, MTV, chilly weather, crushes, good haircut, waking up all snuggly.)

Rant: These guys are just a bunch of pussies. They want to be the epitome, but can't because they don't have that character. It's man glamour, it's all a stupid contest of who gets wasted most.

(Not you friends. :* )

Vicky Cristina Barcelona

Penelope is so beautiful. The movie is striking.

...

So far, past 24 hours after the said list.. I've accumulated 100 points. And because I'm a little sleazy cheat, the only reason I got the hundred is because I'm starting on the workywork.

No, I haven't "spring clean-ed" anything.

Duress

The grandfolks are arriving on Saturday. Yup, this Saturday and not on September 2nd as originally planned.

For a month I would be subjected to my household's version of martial law. I have to be home within an hour after the classes. Any indication of alcohol, nicotine, or even any form of unclassiness (such as soiled or unironed clothes) are more than 'frowned upon'.

Also, the lolo is 10x louder than I am, and the lola 10x more discriminative. My lolo will be bringing his fellow seniors in the house whatever time he pleases, and the lola will interogate our (especially my mom's) every move.

And no boys allowed. Any conduct involving boys will cause an allowance decrease.


And I am not exaggerating.

No overnights, no parties, no mischief. Plus, really, an overdose of peskiness.


I love them, I do... but to put it lightly, it's not very comfortable with them around. Especially now that.......


...


Anyway, I have to clean my room. The following areas are to be covered within an eight-hour period:
(The points correspond to the task's difficulty)

[] 60pts The closet
[] 15pts Change bedsheets
[] 20pts Do something about the bags everywhere
[] 45pts Scrub every tile and between in the bathroom
[] 20pts Clutter of books and magazines everywhere
[] 30pts The makeup closet and shoes
[] 50pts Pictures on the wall
[] 15pts Accessory drawer
and of course
[] 1000pts Work. (MAP Powerpoint fuckingshit)

... And this entry sounds so political.

p.s. Tip: THROW EVERYTHING AWAY. MERCY IS NOT AN OPTION.

Paranoia

Every emotion felt past 2am until sunrise is intensified 10x its value. Therefore, every hurt, joy and even idea from the said duration is just a product of the delusions brought by not having anything to distract you.

And since they are merely delusions, they are invalid.

Don't take your feelings seriously at these times. You are worse than a drunk version of yourself. Your own mind is playing tricks on you.

6.16

Reg suggested a very interesting book called The Time Traveler's Wife, and if anyone has a copy, please please please lemme borrow. :X


I bought me Jihan-shorts yesterday!

(Jihanshorts - noun. barely knee-high garment in dark khaki having bulky pockets. ver ver laid back chic.)

MOST IMPORTANTLY, biological clock extremely messed up. I was up at 2am watching Manhunter to get me sleepy, I got to sleep after 5am, which in turn got me absent for my first two classes of the school year. It was raining and everything was just so chilly, getting up was a chore.

I've been living with this forever, and it has to stop. Im seeing yet another doctor soon. In the meantime, I'm getting a dozen or so of cheap drugstore melatonin tomorrow.

non-subliminals

1. Found perfect affordable pizza in the comfiest poshiest accesible place... Joey Pepperoni, Quatro Formaggi at 165php 8"... 50% off at 2-6pm at Savemore, a tryk ride from home.

Verver pretty, and private. Almost secluded. And undoubtedly affordable.

2. Records show that on March 15 2008, I was 82 pounds.

3. Records show that on June 14, I wrote a letter to the NL.
...

Hello musicbox. :) Clicky. It's at the sidebar.

...
I don't know how long the warmth will stay... because if I get drained of it completely, I'm not very sure where I'll end up again.

Di nio gets noh? Ako lang makakagets nian.

Dear Girlsies.

Alam mo na...

its madness!

:)
gotcha!
I paint my nails so bad, I dont deserve to be in cfad.

On irrational spending

Cab fares are the most irrational expenditure of the 21st century 19 year old. That's the price you pay for not having your own car or not knowing how to drive, and it's 4x the amount you pay when you commute. Although, commuting has no grandeur... and the Philippines is ver ver hot. -_-

But cabbies makes you poor.

stars

Ive seen more shooting stars than anybody else I know. I'm not exactly observant, and not especially lucky... but I really do get to see a lot of shooting stars/bulalakaw/falling star whatever. There always seem to be one (or some) when the sky is clear.

And about wishes...

...


BTW, I will be living at Riverfront Residences, Pasig. :) <3

The universe speaks

The thing about music is, I dont need it too much. I like going to gigs for the alcohol, for the people, for the airconditioning.

Yes, for the live entertainment, but that's just half of it.


But sometimes, after 48 hours of no actual music, and you hear any song (in my case, earlbabuy.blogspot's), you just immerse in it and linger.


...


I've been told that I have no guts to speak of. And your words, my dear, cant be any truer.


...


Weird thing happened. I was walking AND I STEPPED ON A NAIL. WTFF. I hopped to the nearest empty carinderia and investigated, and yes it was indeed a rusty nail and it pierced through my flipflops. Funny thing, it missed my flesh by a centimeter. It actually scraped off part of the thick skin at the ball of my foot (pota. anu tawag dun?).

If I werent very lucky, I'd be temporarily crippled because my foot's nursing tetano.

This has got to have some sentimental symbolic message from the universe.

Leche. No.

you know what to do

it hurts every minute.
tae, mahal kasi kita e.

Half Year Resolution. Revised

Half Year Resolutions (Revised)


1. I will stop smoking when classes start. It really sucks when you're on your way home and its chilly and a stick would do you much good. Oh temptation. Alas, the prices you pay to remain nicotine free.
2. I will moisturize. I'm failing. But I'll be on track again soon.
3. I will take better pictures. I can't stuff this in my schedule. We're all bums. Photoblog fail.
4. No to beer. And coke. And no to bad words.
5. No to haircuts. Going strong.
6. I will remind myself that less is more. And I will avoid cliche like plague. And I will attempt avoiding pretentious words... like "attempt".

June

1. Utos ng Hari by Jun Cruz Reyes is the father of all Philippine comedic short stories. And yes, the only reason I got around to reading this is because he claimed my "Mental Letter to Eva Fonda" short story has potential. He also announced that my english sucks, and that I'm better off not trying to shock anyone with any of my futile writing 'techniques' (ugh). Nevertheless, that is a far far cry from the hurtful "no comments" meaning you are beyond useless.


2. June = snuggleweather (But LDR still on) + sucky internet + rain rain rain. Lots of it.

Also, The AH1N1 virus is everywhere. UST is in quarantine mode, so classes start on the 15th. I don't think I really care.


3. Pauline (the 9year bestfriend) is back. Yippee. I'm hoping that this means a lot of sleepover at her house. This may also mean me going home with a bunch of goodies (flashy notebooks, chocolates, hand-me-down clothes, and just recently an english textbook). We do, however, need to spend less.


4. Girls suffer the same delusion. The standards we set are of miniseries value.
Well me and my friend do/used to. I guess, there's always something that we share with the people close to us: some sort of work/party ethic? Reachable goals? belief? Yadayadayada *insert drama here*.

sudden.

The thing is, before I even get to half of the book I'm reading, I'm overwhelmed by the urge to write. Something like what I'm reading probably.

It's just like driving you know. You start learning it, but you can't find the time and energy to practice it. You'd love to just pay an incredibly irrational amount and have the driving skill when you wake up.

I just want to wake up poetic. I want every line I say or write be gushing with uhhhh magic?

Really.

Actually, you won't discover anything useful about me in this blog.

Here are the following details I refuse to enclose in this public journal:

1. Happy thoughts.
2. My vital statistics.
3. The things that I do everyday. I mean, what's the use of blogging it for public consumption if I do find them fun but VAGUELY interesting.
4. What I really really feel.

Hi. It's 4:19am.

Season 3 much?

Hello OldSchool Blog

In the meantime.
Lover, hindi mo man lang tatanungin kung bakit? Mahal mo ba talaga ako?

Harumph.

Phlegm | Half-Year Resolutions

I will stop smoking. I'm very sorry to say that my smoking habits are worse than ever. I am now capable of consuming over a case's worth of cigarettes in a day.

And I am now consistently sick... I think my throat's been burned up, and my skin's duller than ever. But that's what you get for a few moments of artificial relaxation.

Now I gaggle every other minute because of the phlegm. Eeewy.


....



Half Year Resolutions
(Basically, the same as my new year resolutions only I'm giving myself another chance because I just failed at them.)

1. I will stop smoking. when classes start. Just as much as the boyfriend will stop drinking when the classes start. Both of which I don't think we'll be able to actually accomplish, but swearing on it will possibly minimize the habits.
2. I will moisturize. I mean it's just gonna take a minute. And Olay does have a light finish... and it's gonna be good for me.
3. I will take better pictures. I will actually use the manual mode on the DSLR, and I will stop using the DSLR as a digicam. I mean better maxmize use.. it's heavy!
4. No to beer. And coke. Bye bye tummy.
5. No to haircuts. I've been ranting about this forever, so I don't think I need to ellaborate why.
6. I will remind myself that less is more. And I will avoid cliche like plague.


...



I love you and I never thought I'd ever get so kilig by text messages saying "Asan ka na? Bat ka anjan? Umuwi ka na, umiinom ka nanaman."

CFAD really does affect the IQ

I have an extremely grave confession.


Worse than all other confessions, uhh, ever.





I haven't been reading. *insert horror sound here*







The last I've read is Bob Ong's MACARTHUR which is obviously a light read. Before that I've read a bit more grown up version of "Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves" and "Aladdin" (I failed to read "Robin Hood" because its version was so Old English-y). Everything else I've read before these are dissolving memories.

Lately, I've been having frequent Slowdom attacks. And I've already consumed 15 mins writing this entry.

AS Pabs said, "Sucks to be you, Macci."

MY VOCABULARY IS DETERIORATING!

pf.

Bataan 09

We were too busy bumming to take pictures. Wish we did though. Ugh.
Pics on nica's, sep's and my multiply.
In the meantime, make do.

The girls.

Everyone. (taken by pabs. :c )

Why I'm Growing my Hair

because:

Lily from How I Met Your Mother
and

Silver from 90210

and because I want to tie my hair in a wispy ballerina bun.
and because it's been years!


I'M DOING THIS FOR REAL NOW! AJA!

1. there is sense of freedom in illusion of choice
2. when you're in a difficult situation... you go to the people you think will tell you what you want to hear
3. so many things happen in a span of 30 days, 60 days... why worry? it will just all fleet by anyway

non-insight.

I can't write because I don't actually feel strongly about anything right now. Nothing too heavy etc etc.

Yes, next week's booked. There's the contest over thesis advisers, then the dreaded MAP meeting AGAIN (sucks), a check up, Cavite, and hopefully a day-date.

Anyway, do you know that I keep on losing my MRT card? Which is why I've finally given up on the train and am taking the bus regularly. I spend more than an hour of my morning commuting and an hour dressing up.


Pshhh. You don't need to know about this. This isn't some worthy insight. Ugh.

The 2009 Summer Survey

Finally!

Ten things you wish you could SAY (don't tell us who it is)
1. You know I'd write about you. When have I ever left you out in open-letter/lines such as this one.
2. Pagkukulang = me
3. You've no idea how much I need you. Needed you for the past 2 years. Therefore, go home.
4. Goodluck with that. I'd love her. I know you'll do well.
5. Thank you, you're so sweet. 200% sweeter than I ever expected.
6. I miss you ver ver much dear. You never seem to realize how integral you are.
7. You are the most inlovest I've ever seen. Saludo.
8. GET AWAY FROM ME!
9. may cavite ako next week. can i go pretty please? :x
10. Please stop ruining my fairytale.

Nine things about YOURSELF:
1. I hate my fringe.
2. I love virgin coconut oil and all its benefits.
3. I don't know what thesis I will take.
4. I hate staying in.
5. I love people.
6. I attempt to steer clear of everything too girly.
7. Have a very twisted view of myself.
8. Very sucky instincts.
9. Very Chocoholic. Moderately shopaholic. Slight alcoholic.

Eight ways to WIN your heart:
1. Talk to me in a very YOU way.
2. Be unexpected. Sponteinity.
3. Hahahaha pretend that you're staring at me.
4. Date me!
5. Be awake from 1am to 6am.
6. Let me be my true true true self. Whatever though. haha.
7. KISS! HUG!
8. Be kim.
OHMYGODIMSOCHEESYNAKAKATUNAW!

Seven things that cross your mind a lot through the day:
1. Obligations: Thesis, MAP
2. My hair!
3. Fashion. My own, not the world's.
4. That I need to get out of the house.
5. Things I want to be, should be, will be etc
6. BOYFRIEND love!
7. Friends. Parties. Relationships. Fun.

Six little STUPID things you want to happen to you before you die:
1. Beach bonfire!
2. Get published.
3. Be a 50% cool mom 50% perfect mom. o yeah!
4. GROW MY HAIR.
5. Be my own picture of perfection!
6. Grow. LITERALLY!

Five turn offs:
1. Bad manners
2. Boring
3. ANNOYING
4. hindi ako pinagbibigyan
5. too fashiony

Four turn ons:
1. SHORTS!
2. Broad shoulders.
3. Height.
4. MORENO!

Three smiles that describe your life:
1. \(^_^)/
2. o_O or -_-
3. \:D/ or @-)

Two things you wish you never did:
1. Took more work than I can chew
2. CUT MY FRINGE

One confession
I miss everyone.



I TAG EVERYONE! GO ANSWER THIS!

Soooo...

So I spent the whole of yesterday with Nica and Louieee, a fraction of the 'posse'... and I can't believe that that's what I've been doing every single day last summer, and it's the first time I did this summer. I just can't believe it. We should be doing that as often as time allows us.

Anyway, had awesome fun. I never have to be anyone but myself with these people. You know what I think? It's undoubtedly easier to find a boyfriend, than to find friends that will last for the rest of your life. Therefore, the maintenance should be flawless
...

I'm sick today. It's phlegm overload. And as disgusting to share, I have ample amouts of bright gooey bright green snot and phlegm.

Plus when I'm sick, my whole existence revolves on healing measures. I never take ice, I take calamansi juice, I take salabat, I take tea. For breakfast, I minimum amount of what's on the table and popped 3 vitamin cs, 1 mucolsovan (whatever this is), 1 neozep, 1 biogesic, and 2 lagundi tablets. The electric fan is off limits and I will not do any rigorous or stress-inducing activities (ex: riding the effing MRT).

12:07am 5.12.09

I don't know why I do that.

When my boyfriend comes over, I panic. When he sms me asking me where I am, I panic. When he asks me at 4am in the morning what kept me awake, yuuuh, I panic.

ANYWAY. WE FINALLY GOT OURSELVES A SANE LOOKING PICTURE! :D

Although, we look so far apart. And too friend-y. Eughck! It's still sane though. It totally didn't capture any sweet moment... but what am I complaining about? I look human!


Would you believe me if I told you my hair has grown? Maybe not. But it kinda has. I've been so happy with it I'm bombarding everyone's camera with annoying vain pictures and changing profile pics every half an hour. Eewy. But what can I do, it'll grow awful someday and I won't be able to bring it back.


This does not proove hair length... but look how unskinny I am. :D


So honestly, I just made this post to compensate for the blog's lack of pictures. Tatah!

Woke up after 4-hour sleep.

1.
Why does it seem that time just goes away?

We make plans days before summer, and when summer's here, we're all too busy with stupid trivialities to make time for the good stuff.

2.
I do wish I were better at taking pictures... but it's tricky to be good at photography when my camera is just beside my bed, rotting and all.


3.
For light reading MACARTHUR by the infamous Bob Ong. It's his only non-humor driven novel/ette that I've read (it's Julia's), and he never ceased to amaze me. Struck me hard, this one. I had goosebumps reading it. And it's tagalog if you must know. You know how choosy I am in appreciating tagalog literature.

4.
In my case, why can't I write properly?

5.
Happy birthday to my dad.

6.
I just DL-ed twitter tool bar. :X

7.
Goodluck to me and my involvement in the newest LDR coupling.

8.
I don't need anything else but virgin coconut oil. Hooey!

Why do I keep talking about my hair?

a. I'm an insecure bitch
b. I'm a narcisstic shallow bitch
c. I'm a retarded bitch who can't spell 'narcistic' properly, and keeps on cutting my hair.

I should never ever wear brown. I should never have bangs. I should color my hair champagne brown. I should find a raspberry pink intense lip gloss/balm... hopefully in a pot.. very much like my now lost phased-out BodyShop lip gloss that lasted my whole college junior year.

Where are my clothes?

This week is spring cleaning! Just like every previous week I've attempted to clean my room. And in this attempt, I've realized A LOT OF MY CLOTHES ARE MISSING!

And makeup too. My famous pot of perfect red lippy, my perfect versatile denim miniskirt T_T, bunch of accessories.... So weird how accumulated articles of clothing just vanish into thin air.

Saturday Night in.

-Boyfriend is already exactly 38 minutes late as of the moment.-


AM actually Plurking. Yip!


....

[11 hours later]


Baby baby baby, I need to get out my camera. I'm home Saturday night (again) and not complaining this time. Is it because:

a. I've finally stopped being a desperate socializing bitch who crashes anyway
b. I'm ACTUALLY happy
c. The week's satisfied my social needs and I don't need a Sat night out to compensate for my lack of social activity
d. Work (literary, parental, skill-development) is taking up my evening time
e. Am engrossed with an addicting activity: Plurk / TV Series / Fashion and Beauty / Monopoly / Book / Boyfriend / Online Comics / Trial-and-error do-it-yourself haircuts
f. So tired. Imma sleep now.

The ANSWER:

3% a.
    Socializing is such a harsh and complicated sport. I'd give up, but I love people.

3% b. happiness
    Ugh. It's not like anyone's like completely happy. Like, ever. But nevertheless, moments of pure content strike every once in a while.

40% c.
    I've totally used up my week worth of parental permission. I go home late practically everyday. And have slept over someone's house. Sleepovers are limited to one per week when academic matter is not involved, see.

15% d.
    I'm trying to work on everything. I'm such a scatterbrain, I haven't finished anything. My friend's making me make a certificate for some rotary matter that I've the slightest idea about. And I'm actually making it. Funny though, I've got loads of work to do for my dad (CPs), the NON-ENDING Marble thing, some design work for a french resto, and research for summer class... BUT I'M NOT DOING ANY OF THOSE.

We really are drawn to things that people don't MAKE US do. Ooh. Philosophical.

15% e.
    Hello Plurk! I check like every half a minute if someone's plurked anything new.. nevermind that it's utterly of no interest to me.

Thankfully no hair cuts for me. Call that discipline!

the rest% f.
    Tired yeah. But not enough to make me go to sleep.


I guess I've bored you enough already. Soo goodnight then. Or see you at Plurk.


P.S. Time to bring out the camera, lovey. Le blog is bland.
P.S.S. I NEED CLASSY TUBETOP OR FANCY VERSATILE TUBE DRESS!!

8.46

8:46 am, perfect conyo weather. Tagaytay temperature outside, easy summer rain and indoor ACU. In bed. Just had breakfast. About to go back to sleep. Purrrffeect! (Aside from a clogged right nostril.) Am planning to give myself a vanity blowout. Just blow my money on grooming and styling.

My eyes are drooping.

I love you.

4.29 almost midnight

I've pretty much killed 50 moths in 15 mins. I cooked some, stepped on some, swatted some, and may possibly have eaten one or two.

I started the class thingy today. Then, I SPENT 6 HOURS CUDDLING AND SNUGGLING, just not in my much-anticipated snuggle uniform--a tank and the 1k pajama--and I've completed PRO duty for the hs barkada.

Come midnight, due to excessive grooming... I've over plucked. Looks fine though.

Jessica Mania

OMG! HE'S MARCUS FLUTTIE!

Well, every guy is the Marcus Fluttie in some way. Maybe it's how we Jessica's expect change from them as inspired by our one of a kind typical girl-next-door qualities. I've got insomnia, I over-analyse, I write. His Marcus-ness is better left untold.

They won't change you know.

oh love.

...

Must write for Cavite. Im sooo into it.

...

Do contemplate: Everything is fleeting. The good stuff AND the bad stuff.

Petty Joys: Jeans!

I've got a brand new pair of old jeans. Fits really snug. Minimized my hips without sacrificing the curve. PERFECTION.

See, 2 years ago, my mom was teenager skinny and I was prepubescent skinny. She bought jeans from everywhere. And now since everyone seems to be gaining weight she can't wear it anymore and everything fits like a glove on me! Wiiih!


ESPECIALLY this dark blue gray F&H jeans. T_T So perfect.

...

I must say writers in my opinion over analyze. Artists, on the other hand, procrastinate professionally.

Writers and artists smoke and drink a lot. Writers do it because it inspires. Artists because its fun, and work can wait til tonight anyway.

Both are romantic.

Both are weird.

Before I Go.

Things are looking up.

Greatstufftv.com is working again. I'm back in my jeans-tank-chucks-minimalmakeup-backpack outfit, which is actually what suits me best. I'm just really pushing my luck with fashion.

Sorry Aiwa dear I didnt go because I had to catch some zzzzs.:( I need to see Louie this week because because. I can color my hair on Thursday because my schedule allows it, my budget doesnt though. AND I STILL WANT TO GO TO THE CAVITE WORKSHOP!

It's 4:25 and I have to do lunch.



And I'm not very upbeat right now. Last Christmas Aeya said A quick one while he's away. Ho hum.

The newest form of luxury. Pajimmies :]

Must Sleep Now.

I think photobucket is down.

MY GAWD! I HAVE MY WHOLE WEEK ALMOST PLANNED OUT! YIPPEE.

You know, I never really let money--better yet, the lack of it--ruin my fun. I'd go as far as begging to get my resources. I just can't fund two people. Despite the one-unit funding, I still need money though.

I'm not really working right now. Too busy whining and complaining about being home too much. Being home gives me a head ache you know.

BTW, finished my Eva Fonda piece for twg. Kinda. Yiih! :x

And finally TWG have this 2-day workshop. And I really really really want to go. Then my head goes all confused. :( Have I messed up my priorities? I know I like writing, and I know that I'm not bad at it... But if only I exert as much passion in my art than in my writing, wouldn't that benefit me more? My passion for writing is half-baked. My efforts in improving my illustration/layouting/photoshopping skills are half-baked too. It's like I'm torn between two loves. (ugh. cheesy.)

Point is, I REALLY WANT TO GO! Maybe for the fun, but I should go because I want to learn right? Well, why do I want to learn anyway... am I making a career out of this? Well, perhaps, since I'm focusing on magazine work (and am not making much progress).

I went to TWG anyway because I don't want to forget how to write. But what about all that "You should wake up a writer" brouhaha?

Well, I guess I can manage both. I think. I just have a very low self-esteem right now. Tonight. And I really have to sleep. Really really.

...

I've given up in taking good pictures. But maybe pictures that matter suffice.

It's Saturday and I'm at home. The world sucks and I should learn to live with it. Well, actually I'm just overreacting, but what the hell. My blog.

1st picture in a hundred months:

this is the 80% finished wall of Christa's room. I actually filled the higher part with graduating stars. They also painted and sprayed stars on the ceiling. Plus butterflies. And emulsion. I knoooww it's much too girly and colorful for my liking... but she's the boss. And it actually went well.

...

Jonas Brother's "Year 3000" has been playing in my head for two days now. I can't believe they sung that. I didn't know that THE Jonas Brother played that until yesterday.

...

It's the 100th day on *insert secret day here* and he'll never know because he never reads my blog anyway. Lol. Counting hundred days isn't really something that I do, you know. It's a very Korean thing, which isn't me either. All my friends love it and I don't mind, but there's I am not inclined to luuurving it anyhows.


Sooo colors, Jonas Brothers, and romantic Korean antics. Goodness, did I just turned into a Nica incarnate?

ESCAPE!

You know what, I'm in a rut.. and I will now be fixing it. Somehow ish. Ugh. Must unearth the camera!

I can not believe it's Friday already. I can not believe it's Friday all over again.

Yellow.

I should be sleeping right now you know. Christa's picking me up at 7am because the past few days she'd be waking me up through mobile, wasting load, and I'd be saying "Oo maliligo na" then rolling back in bed.

I mean IT'S RAINING! Isn't that the immortal law? Rainy days are perfect for snuggling under the sheets and just staying in bed.. even if that's pretty much what I've been doing all my summer life.

...

My hair isn't that bad anymore. Yippee.. :D Had it cut again. I SERIOUSLY SERIOUSLY AM SWEARING ON ALL MY RELATIONSHIPS AND SKILLS wont get a haircut til somewhere around september to nov!

...

I'm still broke. Le boyfriend dated me and the sister one tuesday afternoon. Ooer. Lovey. And therefore, I'm not alone at being broke anymore. I spend dawn chatting with people online since there seems to be an unlimited provision of semi-insomniac people.

Yes, I still consider myself the ultimate insomniac... probably because I'm the only one childish enough to whine and cry about it.

...

This blog need pictures!


...

On totally unrelated and unimportant matters:
(because I am under an unintentional house arrest)
1. Lindsay Lohan have boobage fold. (boobage fold = when gravity have totally affected your boobs that it seems as if there's a fold between your boobs and and chest)
2. I love brown leather. I do. Its so casual chic.
3. Tight skirt is so in these days. Weird.
4. Found the perfect wide belt for me. Its velveteen and dark gray and adjustable. Yippee. Am using it on all my shirt dresses. Coolio. Got it from a Zara coat.
5. Pulin's in the states so I can get any Urban Outfitter article. O yea. Although, better not because I can't fit it.
6. I need shirt dress, tunic dress, and pretty tube top. We soo dont have tube top.

I do believe I am stuck in 2006 fashion wise. This is when people of the fashion worlds werent trying too hard and short hair was barely at the brink of popularity. And Geno was here.

...

Some people are just really pleasant, aren't they?

...

Secret.

i. dont. have. anything. to. say.

Still Under-construction But Not Much

Spent two nights to make this work. It's actually cute. :D Am still working on it.

...

Am about to sleep but decided to write a little. Just to keep the blog fairly interesting.




For those who aren't in the know, this is how the bad hair looks like on a good day. This is the only sane looking one out of 24 shots. Yes, my face do look skinnier. And yes, I'm growing it.

It's 5am. I really have to go now.

I'm having trouble installing photoshop.

Aiwa's here.. and I guess there will be a lot of hanging out.

I'm going to Tameng's shortly. The paint thing.

I realized that my hair isn't that bad if I tie it up. It's actually pretty cute.

I still don't have budget. But it'll be better soon. The ATM's coming! Yey.

And the weight of the laptop just killed my leg.

Summer as of the moment

As you all may have observed... my layout sucks. Luckily, my laptop has finally been formatted, which may possibly inspire me to relayout.

But what do we know? This blog really is full of empty promises anyway.

...

Whatsup?

Well, I am bored as hell. It's hot as hell. Am finally catching up on my GossipGirl, started 90210, and am not taking sleeping pills. Not because I've decided against it, just that I am FUCKING BROKE.

YEAHES! FUCKING EFFING EFFING ABNORMALLY BROKE. And to follow would be I am stuck at home. This hot unexciting hole I call home.

And am starting to bitch.

My atm's still a bitch. That would've been easy income. But noooooo, I dont have it because I lost it last november.

...


What else?

Hmmm. This layout sucks. I still have that MAP work thing. And I'm in luurve with a pair of Steve Madden shoes, ONSALE. AND I FINALLY FINISHED MURAKAMI'S THW WINDUP BIRD CHRONICLES AFTER 6 EFFING MONTHS!!!

Am rereading Good Omens. See, I stopped reading in the middle of the book......


Omg, I'm ranting. See, boredom just seeps right through. And idleness really does bring out the bitch in me.

wtf-state (c/o sooey)

I am so fat.
(Fine, not really... but no more to the fashionably skiny ol' me.)

And my hair do suck. It's like I get a bad haircut every two years, and we need half a year to remedy the haircut. Therefore, according to that made up computation, I spend 25% of my life with a pretty bad haircut.

And yes, very obviously, I'm EXTREMELY, IRRATIONALLY, FREAKY-LY sensitive when it comes to my hair. I'd sell my sisters for a good haircut you know.

Anyway, its not thaaattt bad. STOP READING THIS BLOG THE AUTHOR IS INSANE!

And yeah, this is the heaviest (and 'curviest') I've been ever since forever. Like gaah! Hiyang? Wtf.


Sooey coined a really pretty and suitable term, it's called the WTF-state, which is pretty much what every one is enduring right now.



MUST WORK!

April 6 2009

Despite the ongoing css and photoshop construction, I will go blogging.

To be perfectly honest, I can only remember having a real blog hiatus once. When I found blogging to be unhealthy... more of mindboggling than reassuring.. and that is, like when.. 5 years ago. So even if I tell you I'm no longer blogging, I must be having some sort of outlet in some other blog, or other blog's comment box.

Whichever. I suffer this great need to record every moment. You can accuse me perhaps of dwelling to much in the past... or maybe its just my own narcisism.

...

I am drifting away
despite myself

When the anticipated remedy does no good
Then the malady must be so innate, it must be you

The passion fluctuates
There is a tinge of desperation
Everyminute consists of the urge for a smoke
for an escape
for the alcohol to tide my brain
every root of me.

Still still still Under Construction

Officially, my layout sucks. But in a matter of 60 days, my pride has risen to a new level, affecting numerous aspects of my life. Such would be that I refuse to use blogskins.com layouts, even if it means having a clutter after the every 6 posts I publish in this blog.

I've already permanently deleted the previous layout, so no going back to that. The header is but temporary.

Css and htmls have lost their charm.

And guess what, I am still reading Haruki Murakami's The Chronicles of a Wind-up Bird, and its only 70% read. It' been the only book I'm reading in 2nd sem.


My brain is currently at its lowest state. My hair too. Still, the hair. Fuckity.


No pictionaries, no anything.

Summer Commandments

1. You will not cut you hair. Even if you very much want to and even if it sucks big time. Just imagine bangs so long it reaches your nose when its swept to the side. And imagine hair up to your collar bones! Perfect aint it? Besides, what's a whole summer of scarves anyway? And lovely, you've got a boyfriend.
2. Must complete work
3. Must not deprive self of beaching
4. Must reach out to college friends somehow
5. Insomnia is not to be a part of summer. Smoking perhaps.. but not insomnia!
6. Remember your fashion.
7. Happy Mondays!
8. You will clean your room. Clean room is anti bitch fit.
9. You will figure out what thesis you're taking.
10. You will chill.

WE ARE STILL UNDERCONSTRUCTION

But the posts will resume. Hello blogworld. I believe I've resurrected from a month's worth (or more) of online death...

blog leave

since i havent been much entertaining for a while now...

i therefore conclude a blog leave.


see you in a while loves. :*

Quarter 2009 _ List

The Quarter 2009 Shit List:

1. I am now drinking too much soda. I make it coke light, but what the hell, coke's still coke.
2. Am not moisturizing anymore. Boohoo.
3. My computer's antivirus is an antique. The last it's been updated is eons ago.
4. I've yet to actually WRITE. (See how shallow my blog vocab has become.)
5. Attendance not really well.



The Quarter 2009 Bless List:

1. Am now getting enough sleep, despite the stress. Yipee! Fafay quasi-jetlag.
2. Am now using Globe!
3. 90 pounds.
4. Am a behaved girlfriend. :D
5. Independent (ISH!) (Ish 10x!)

/Random

After a merciless whole house raid for my watercolor, Teta brought it out during lunch. Thank God.

...


The thing about Tita Maya, (THE client) is that despite her ruining my whole life, she's very nice and sweet. She has one of the best (if not the best) household I've ever been in. Her husband is funny and oozes with charisma. Her eldest son is at the top of his batch, her two younger sons are just as sweet and nice. And Javon, her little boy can not speak tagalog. And she goes to Europe and Middle East everytime she closes big projects. She never forces me to do stuff but asks nicely. Through her sugarcoated commands she got me to eat fish toppings, gulay, and drink a quarter glass of carrot juice.

...

Though, life is shattering in front of me. Nothing emo, I swear. And well, I dont know how to react properly, so instead I continue doing my plates.

W is for Whatever part 2

When every one is chopping of their hair for the gamine look, I'm growing it. There's charm in going against the trend, especially if the trend was yours. (?)

Whatevs. I love the shoulder length. Oh and btw, I've succumbed to the wonders of blowdrying. I've never owned my own hairblower until now, see.

Too bad short hair looks so pooosh. T_T

Yada. Whatever.

...

I WANT NEW SHADES. LOTS. AND uhh well STUFF. AND I WANT MY LITERACY BACK!

W is for Whatever

On a shallower note, I can no longer use the the perfect penshoppe blush because it actually ruined my skin's texture. Never mind that it was perfectly pink and discreet and handy and cheap, if it kills your skin, it's (kinda) not worth it.

Boohoo. :(

Eeek! Kikay self. Ugh. -_-


And as usual, my room's a fucking mess. If it weren't for the pale pinkish walls and makeup tossed everywhere, I would've assumed its a guy's room. Oh the bags contribute to the girlyness too.

Agh! What happened to the anti-girly?


I don't have anything interesting to tell you just yet. And I dont have the time to cook up anything worth anyone's effort.


Hmmm what else? Uhhh... am starting to breath again.

And because CFAD is OJT-less, I can not wait for summer. Yippee!
But before the parties, anti-parties, and the sort.. must suffer hell week. B-)

stress.

For the record, this is the most stressed I have ever been in my life.

Sorry sa lahat ng pagkukulang ko sa lahat ng tao. :(

PUTANGINA.

I'm giving up.

My spirit is broken.

............


Oo ang iresponsable ko. Inaako ko ung mga trabaho maski alam kong hindi ko na kaya. Mapride pa ko. Hindi ko alam kung pano humingi ng tulong sa ibang tao. At higit sa lahat ang pleaser ko, kasi pag may bagong trabaho, oo ako ng oo. PUTANGFUCKINGINA.

Never take work you can't manage.

Lesson learned.

Now is ours

One down.
Fashion show is finally over.

Drama never seem to leave me be. Yuck. Tangina.
Ugh.

And stress too.


Dont have time to blog actually, but I really need to let off some steam. Whatevs.

My dad is 'hired' me to do this effing layout thingy that's been eating my time almost completely. I haven't cried over it yet, which is usually the case when I'm under pressure.

Uhhuh. Will isn't so strong. I crack.

I miss my girlsies, and well, I'm with them almost everyday. Distance is mental.

My sisters are awesome ish. My boyfriend is loverly. My nails are strawberry red.

ohhh cheesy

Yikeee. Holding hands

ngumiti ka naman! try mo lang.

/Random

So...


Despite the list from my last post, I don't think I accomplished much. Still, am stressed. My body's been aching the past days and today I rest.

"Rest". I have catalogue and ppt layout to do.

I still don't know how to deal.

hfhkjdhkjsf isfd i need more time!

...


There's always something about evryone that I admire. Is looking up to every fucking one a crime?

pre-break jsdlsdal

I may just be the shades murderer. I've finished off my favorite pairs of shades and my collection is now down to half. :(

Depressing.

...

I miss my friends.

...

Squeeze all tasks in 7 days:

Ppt and Catalogue (inc, shoot)
Ad Design Sketch (8/sec
Ad Prac Survey + Tally
. Shoot 5 done, 7 to go
. Book layout and Production
Org Love notes
Org Prose Project
Fashion Cocktail Illus, Long Gown sketch
PD Choco Filipino
-measure box
-create design
Photog Reportage
Photog Marketing Heritage

Reasons

The similarity between designing ads and formulating poems is the need for reason. Merely looking or sounding good is not enough deem it right.

...

Pop culture is against cliche, but everything becomes cliche after some time.

...

Thing critiquing is that it's extremely/semi-completely subjective. A perfect poem does not let subjectivity take command.

Sick

Am sick.
Again.


Gawd, I'm sickly. I used to be healthier before. Maybe its because of the sleep (lack of), or possibly not enough nutrients.

It feels like a hang-over... only worse because my temperature rises and I can't expose myself to the cold. It's gross actually, how I vomitted an entire dinner in water-ish form. Bwahahaha. Kadiri noh?

Le Boyfriend came over to snuggle and watch Slumdog Millionaire. Then he won't let me leave the house for the AdPrac shoot because of my sickly state. Im sorry to disappoint you girls :(. And now, I dont know much of his whereabouts. Worried. :|

And sweaty from sleeping all afternooon under a comforter without any aid of electric fan or ACU.

Fuck, what do you know? I'm writing about my day!

Quarter Past Four


Repulsed by the putrid flavor of time wasted
He droops in bed, lashes glued on his lids
Cocooned by the sheets
Mastering the futile art of tossing and turning
Twisting to find the perfect mould
Time is the universal currency
It is dripping away
His mind racing around the web of his thoughts
His biology ceasing to be in accord with his will
The chronic disorder dulls his skin
Swells his eyes, dulls tomorrow
The sun spills on the corner of his bed
He rises because sleep fails again

Pre- sleep.

We have no time.
Every waking moment must be spent on the betterness of your academic wellfare.

Must do plates 24-hours.

Migraines, lovers, and sleep arent valid excuses.

Time is the universal currency.

Helloouu

Angelika April!
Alam kong binabasa mo blog ko!
Stalker.

:*


...

I've grown a constellation of pimples on both my cheeks and by the hairline. Ugh. Puberty much? I have to start taking care of my skin again. It's been 3 months and I've stopped using facial moisturizer and am very frequently using my trusty eye cream.

Well, I'm confident because I don't smoke. And I almost never deprive myself of sleep ayway.

Still...

...

I REALLY WANT AN EXTERNAL FLASH ALREADY!

Issues on legality and cheesiness and the self

I can no longer lie to my parents. Grounded na kung grounded. Ang mahalaga sakin panatag loob ko.

Besides, I'm almost 20 for goodness sake! And mahal ko kayo at ayoko kayong gawing bobo.

...

I can handle life on my own, thankyouverymuch. But I'm more complete with you.

...

Does 'bahala na' work?

12:40 am

I'm sleepy na kaya. But I still have this effing Package Design plate to finish. Funny thing is, PD's just 2-units worth and we tend to stress over it so much more than we would the the 6-unit subjects yadayadayadayada.

It's like when I complain about my academic life, PD always find its way to my rants and complaints.


CURRENTLY:
1. Am learning to drive. Yippee!
2. Am learning to walk in heels!
3. Happily cheesy
4. Losing weight. :(
5. Grounded
6. Lost my sun cell. What do you expect? No one contacts me via sun anyway, aside from the folks, the sis, and Angelika Relova. And the phone's so little...
7. Has pile of works to do (e.g. TWGuild, Photogee, AdFrec baby cheesies, gaining parental trust, Reporting: Fashion and Professional Ethics, Valentines.. ETC ETC ETC)

...atleast my PD is finally on a roll. FUCK PD!!


...

My mom kinda cried over the "May Bukas Pa" commercial. Wahahaha.
The blockada-ish is all over "Tayong Dalawa" or "The Both Of Us" as my dad calls it.
The boyfriend and I is cheesssyy musshhyyy <3 <3 Lovwa, babe <3...
Am kindaahh sleepy. Musn't.


Oh and yeah, controversy going on at the right part of the bloggie. (Read: Tagbox)
IMO, some anonymous dude did it and everyone's kinda having fun using names other than there's. Lol. The long lost 'Stalker' or someone related to him may possibly be the PD.Man because the idea is similar.. yadayadayada. Sleepy.

9:55pm

Suckity.

I've yet to finish the day's workload, which is the PD Wine Bottle design shit.

Am in a foul mood because some bitch is ze most annoying.

Imma take a shower now.

Jan30

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU NICUUURRR AND PAPAJURMS!

Pare, I am no longer an E.K. Virgin! \m/

Pictures here after the edit.

...


Geno bitch goddess, you are much missed, you techiedumb fashion guru, you.

Contract

[Narration mode ON]

Because I was late for AdPrac, I had no choice but sit at the boys' corner (e.g. back of the class, left side facing the board). The whole area reeked of boy-ness, and when I couldn't stand it any longer, I told Nici I'm moving back my usual seat when Teta leaves, which she did shortly.

FYI we flunked the first half of AdPrac... our Chapter One was a total failure, and we barely/didn't meet the cut-off of the prelims. Therefore, upon moving back, I was greeted with a sheet of paper where our half-sem resolutions are listed.

The list was entitled "BAGUHIN NA NATIN ANG BUHAY NATIN :)" and is written in tag-lish. Putang list yun.. fierce!

Ex:

"...Pangapat. More time for plates, less time for boyfriends (Jompy (and Jihan), Bombee, Miguel, Mackyboy, and Jay Manalo "Kim", Xian? (Isasama ba natin si Gel dito? Hahaahaha!"

"...Panglima. Ang events na excused tayong lahat ay birthday ni Nica (Bukas! EK tayo, STARCITY) & Valentines & Fieldtrip. The rest vacant. Wag na isama birthday ni Teta."


Because of the unclear copy, I can remember the other parts being prayers for War to arrive causing us to graduate without labor, and setting a lunch date for us girls, and something about a dysfunct unipin.

I love you girls.


[Narration Mode OFF]

Huli ka

Le boyfriend does not want his pics taken.
"Anu pang silbi ng gwapo ka, ayaw mo naman magpapicture."

YEEAAAHEEHH!! IBA KA NA! I LOVE YOU!

meet my boldstar boyfriend.


di ka man lang pornstar. BOLDstar talaga.




AKALA MO DI KITA KAYA PICTURAN AH!

...

Ciempre kaylangan may pic din ako.



...

On a not so distant note...

"Sabik sayo kahit maghapon na tayong magkasama
Parang telesine
Ang ating ending, hatid sa bahay nyo
Sabay goodnight, sabay may kiss, sabay bye-bye"

PLATES TO DO:

1. Photogee food prelims
2. PD Wine logo
    box
    label
3.

DKJKFJHAKHF
I DONT EVEN WANNA THINK ABOUT IT. :D

My Other Loves

My chicas still my chicas.


...

I don't have classes tomorrow and there's this sense of serenity in just staring at the screen and thinking of what to write as if I have the whole night ahead of me. Fact is, ofcourse I still have work to do--loads!, and this habbit burns a huge fraction of my time.. but oh well, this is me.

...

Kung hei fat choi!

o life

As it turns out... I have a very akward catwalk strut. Srutting is just like wowowee's hep-hep-hooray... watching them, you think that it couldn't be easier. But being on national tv or on the ramp gets you all nervy and mentally imbalanced.

...

The smell of you on my palm lingers.

...

I should be doing my plates, really...

But I'm not. Instead, I'm off having candlelit dinner and buying myself chunky pair of i've-been-dying-for heels. Yihee. And that on a sunday.

O life, why so sweet? :X


I'll be doing the (late) PackageDesign Wine label and box tonight. The effing studies.


Shiyet.. I'm so late.

...


Everyone got the grades of 0 to 4 out of 10 on Professional Ethics. This is the best time to hold firmly the belief "Stop taking grades too seriously". They are not what defines you, grades arent what will make you happy. And high grades doesnt make anyone much better at work anyway.


...

P.S. The post has been pre-revelation even if I've written it post-revelation. For making-yabang-the-boyfriend purposes.
P.P.S. Gawwd. It's just been one week, lover! :*

before I start with the major Fashion Catalogue work........

Wala lang.

Le Boyfriend

Hey, lover.

Need I say more

Im not sure which words are fit to justify this revelation.
(deep!)


Does 'Love you' suffice?

Kasi, I do !..,o_O\m/\(^_^)/

Epal mo kaya. Why wont you show your face?


Need I say more?


Love you, boyfriend.

Tonight

"Takip kng mata. Bwl syo yan."
-1/11/09 7:47 PM on On Titanic, Jack and Rose lovescene

Kami na.

Finally.

Asked

Anong pinakamasama mong ugali?

Sa sobrang dami, hindi mo na mahahalata dahil di mo alam kung alin ang uunahin.
Yehey!

...

[continuation and edits later]

The Romantic Death of Poor Little Rich Girl

[SUPER DRAFT! VERY RAW!]


She
  filled the tub with gushing lukewarmth
  stripped off designer everything
  shuffled out of her expensive panties

The tiles were cool under her toes

She
  dowsed feet first
  rested her body, long and skinny,
   on the hard screechy metal surface
  gracefully plunged her head against
   the softness of the water
tangled brown hair afloat
make-up turned into blots of darkness under her eyes

Prozac don't work
Neither do prayers
Maybe
  the cold blade resting on her wrist will

As if slicing her skin open
Blood steadily oozing out
  underwater
  as if abstract smoke


No one knocks on her bathroom door




(COMMENTS:
...negative only! :D
1. Effing emo. Ugh. Plus.. too girly. Not chic-lit though. Thanks to the emo-factor. \m/
2. Unable to communicate how the character is a "poor little rich girl"
3. Uncommon line cutting. Usually common is either good or bad... no gray areas. You are only permitted to be uncommon if you know what you're doing... which, I don't.
4. Still lacks aesthetic.
5. So effing raw that if pag sinabak mo to sa workshop you will cry blood. blood steadily oozing out pala ah!!!
6. Bitin. As always.
7. Where the fuck is your rhythm, bitch? And have you heard of wordplay???)

((comments on the comments:
1. Biased
2. YOU SHOULD'VE LET THEM DECIDE ON WHATS WRONG WITH THE POEM, NOT DIRECT THEM. And in terms of branding yourself, you just ruined it. Ugh.))

Forgetfulness (shit and stuff)

It's been said that the key to a happy life is a poor memory. I can't exactly pinpoint who said those words, or how exactly. Bah! You know how much of a quote religous I am... I just really can't remember where I got that.

Anyway, point is... Can it be any truer?


Sometimes you just really have to leave it behind, don't you? My peers have diagnosed me as depressed via too much thinking... too much contemplating on why-I've-done-so's, could-have-been's, what-if's, how-will-I's, when, why... etc etc.

Well, I can't help but think, hhellluurrr. It's actually easier to manipulate another's mindset that manipulate your own.


Really, it's just so refreshing.

You can't erase it all, and there's no use in regrets. And those were memories anyway.


GAAWWD, AM I GOING IN CIRCLES?

12:54am Tuesday.

So I was in the middle of my piece for the Dapitan folio... a fictional short story THEN I REALIZED HOW WEAK IT IS.

Ugghh!! Aggh! Shuuucckkkss!


And the fact that I'm forcing it in my schedule. And the fact that I've had two sleepless nights because I'm trying to glue the pieces of the story together.

(Grabe, its so cold I'm actually wearing socks.)


I've never really been humbled by anything. You know how my effing ego can get through the roof every once in a while, right. Well............ I don't know. Literature just won't let me.

It's like there's these sets of unspoken regulations you have to figure out for yourself before you start breaking them. And what fun is there if you don't break the rules anyway?

It's like learning to play the guitar all over again. It sucks. Your fingers are thickened by calluses but you you just can't fucking strum a 'B-minor' properly.

It's effing crazy.

...

But PackageDesign is crazier. Fucker you PD fucker you. You're just a 2-unit subject! So what if you're a major subject... there are other major subjects that needs my time, HELLOO!

I just remembere how excited I years back when I read that we had Package Design in our curriculum.


...


Gawwd... My mind just went emo for a while there. Hear hear! There are things in life that have been over-rated, take for example, a debut. It's surreal in your mind, but when the actual time arrives for it, it's so fucking real it's just lost its whoa-factor for the moment. Like, 'So I'm wearing a pretty dress and all the people I love are here. But fuck! My back is itching!'.

Then there are the nights when you're in the FX with a bunch of strangers and you have your ipod plugged in your ears and you hassle yourself along with everyone else with your big backpack and 15x20 illus boards.

BUT YOU FEEL SURREAL. The Tamaraw FX's airconditioning unit is just perfect, and you're all warm and cozy. The streets are familiar, but the movements of the cars and people aren't. And you're not smiling or frowning. You just feel perfectly fine.


GET WHAT I MEAN?

Okay.. this is ridiculous.

...


Back to PD. PD, you suck.

I've done enough work for the day. Imma try to sleep now. Try.

Missing things

I miss a lot of things.


I'd write it down, but I'd bore you and excite you. Haha, you know how controversy can get people going, right? And what's the use of writing my emotions publicly if I have nothing juicy to entertain you with?


So I miss a lot of things. I miss several people. Some who deserves to be missed, some who don't, some whom I dont think needs any missing to begin with. I miss doing stuff that I've stopped doing since [insert time frame category here].

I haven't concretized anything. This is juicy.

Week

It isnt beyond me that I'm a rather outspoken piece of work. But my tagalog vocabulary has been diminished to the basics and dozen of kanto word expressions such as "todo", "olats", "hanep/hayup".

It sucks.

But no one's complaining.

...

I haven't blogged all week because I've been busy. Uhhuh. Prelims week next week and cfad have a very mesed up system of what's supposed to be preliminary examinations. This week may possibly be worse than the prelims itself because this is exacution week, and next week is submission. But because everyone crams, we'll still be under inhumane labor til next week.


WTF!

Why am I explaining it??


I so lack literary material right now.

Plates plates everywhere.

@_@


Well, kaya naman. Konteng puyat at concentration lang.

TO SAIDEH MAGNO

Dear Jomel Pakyu,
09153867752

You are juvenile-ing me because that is the inevitable part of the systematic world amen. Ayaw mo sumikat dahil may tamang oras para jan. Pogi ka kasi. I will spare you from the trouble.

Oh sheeet. No please.

Jomel crush ka ng bayan. Ang pogi mo. Sabi ni Yuniz type ka niya. Ayihee kilig siya.
Type ka din daw ni XP.

Lalo na ni Tiano jusko.

Atsaka ni kuya na taga Mendiola. Ung nag-aayos ng mike, gitara, etc natin.


Jomel you are the love of my life and you will make us libre when your daddy goes bye bye to abroad. I will love you until the end of time. God bless you.

"Walang baklang pangit, pag si Jomel ay gipit."

2009

Major Resolutions.
Let's make this firm and brief.


1. No to beer, (and coke)
2. I will (finally) be driving
3. I should (finally) learn to walk in heels
4. I will stop whoring around. No more kissing guys just because my guts says so and my lips are itching to. Idle lips no more!
*Oooh. I will stop cursing and cussing. My globe will be active. I will use a planner again.
**I will stop playing games. I will not smoke because it is very bad for the teeth and skin (despite the wonderful fact that it gives you the perfect relaxing mild high.)

I will do what my insticts/guts/feelings/wachamacallitwhatverfuck tell me to, because in the end you decide for yourself.
Ipasa-dyos nlng natin lahat ng maaari.


2009 has a nice ring to it.

Where is the promised 2009 entry?

You know, the one that is full of hope and dreams. Promises and resolutions. Excitement, agitation, but with the letting fate/God bring you to the year's lovely end for that touch of laidbackness?


Where has my poetry gone?

...

Dearest deary,

Are we unhealthy for our moral welfare?

Lots of love, myself.

Cranky. Very.

Warning: Bitch fit content.

2:44 am.

I am fighting insomnia.

I was thisclose to sleeping with my make-up and shoes on, in the same jeans and shirt I've worn for the day/night (whichever). That, without the usual prepping up. At 12fucking am when my dad knocked REPEATEDLY, INSENSITIVELY just to ask me to fucking charge my mom's ipod touch.

1. Why does He have to tell me? Why can't my mom do it? Very usually in my life, I'd say girl power and all thet non-bullshit, but this is sooo ridiculous. Annoying. Insulting. Why does he have to be such a dog and follow after all my mom's trivial beckonings. Especially when she's the one whose not being the better half these days (months, years)?
2. In mid-sleeping, once disturbed, I very much can't go back to it. --Something very wrong and unlikely with the sentence, but what the fuck right?
There's no poetry in annoyance anyway.

3. IT'S 2:53 AND I'M STILL NOT ASLEEP / SLEEPY.


Fucker.

For the past two days, all I've written in this blog are negative notions when I ought to be attracting the positive energy.

What the hell.

I'll get it right soon. I have more or less or exactly 362 days to fix getting it right.



You have to hand it to me though, I'm fighting insomnia. Still fighting insomnia. Fuckity fuck. (Annoyance is back) WHY WON'T MY MOM GET ME TO THE DOCTOR!?!??! WHY DO I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS WITHOUT HER? WHY DO THEY KEEP ON PROMISING ME THAT THEY'LL HELP ME WITH THIS WHEN THE MOST I GOT IS HAVE SOME OBVIOUSLY UNINTERESTED AND TOO GENERAL SEMI-PUBLIC DOCTOR CHECK ON ME AND HAVE HIM TELL ME IT'S JUST BECAUSE OF ANXIETY.

I KNOW IT'S ANXIETY, YOU ASS. WHY CAN'T YOU FUCKING FIX IT?


WHY AREN'T THOSE SLEEPING AIDS WORKING? WHY ARENT THE ANXIETY PILLS WORKING? FUCKIG OLD SCHOOL MILK ISN'T WORKING EITHER? WHY ISN'T 4 PILLS OF VALIUMS WORKING? (Uhhuh. I've resorted to 4 pills of valiums and am not planning on taking more than that.)

Why can't I get a good night sleep especially on a long day when every muscle and tendon is aching?

Why do I have to twist and turn, with eyes closed, from 11pm to 4am... and get to sleep at 5am. Especially when school starts at 7! (Fucker!)


I'm getting tired of this.

Everyone else is. Everyone is getting tired of this putangfuckinginang malady called insomnia.

Macci's insomnia. The one that makes her eccentric. IT'S NOT COOL MGA TANGINA. Why do people claim that they have one when none of them knows the half the sufferance you get from actually having one?


And most of all.. why am I so PMS-y?

Moods

PMS.

Pure. Undilluted.



For the longest time, I've forgotten how it feels to irrationally be in a bad mood. To not have enough civility to even strike a pretend-smile.

Thank you 2009.



I'm still not in the mood. And what makes it worse is I'm jotting it down for records sake... the first of my 2009 post, just after the pretty 2008-ender.



Fuck. Fuckity fuck.

...

It is undoubtedly easier to ask for an apology for somethig you did not do than to ask one for social faux pas that you are very much guilty of.

When you do not have the courage to say sorry, then it must very much mean that the offence is yours to begin with.

Pride is a bitch. And so is everyone aged 15 and above.

...


"Bitch." You know that I'm 'wrong' but I meant it. Crispy, in a whisper, but crystal clear... "Bitch".

"bitch"

Without a period. Not worth of a capitalized first letter.





bitch




...You know that we don't do that because of the overflowing we love we have for each other. It's even this close to unimaginable.

I want to say sorry. But I still hate you.

Breathe in, breathe out.




And until I cool off and until my pride has detoriorated itself. Sigh.


...


Just as something I've learned from somewhere states...
"Don't let it ruin your day."

I already pretty much have.


...


I want to draft this due to its extremely negative contents, but it's refreshing for the audience...so there we go.